Fat No More - I hope!

I'm back!!!

2011-06-01T19:22:00.002+01:00

What can I say???? The wedding was amazing, I can't believe how well it went. Everything came good in the end and it all went very smoothly.

I don't even know where to start in telling you about it, other than it went by in a whirl and I didn't stop smiling all day. The best way to tell you about the day is to show you some pictures!!!

We then had a two week honeymoon in Mauritius which was just fantastic. The hotel was gorgeous and the staff couldn't do enough for us. I can't believe it is all over and I'm back to normality now.

Here are some photos of the hotel:

My weight has stayed pretty much stable over the whole period. I put on two pounds on honeymoon which I lost again within a day or so of getting home, I didn't think it was too bad considering we went two weeks all inclusive and were eating and drinking all the time!!! I can't help but look at my wonderful wedding photos and think how different they would have been if I hadn't had the band.

Signing off for a little while!!!

2011-04-22T11:09:00.000+01:00

This will be my last post for a little while. The wedding is now five days away and the stress levels are through the roof!!

Wednesday nearly resulted in nervous breakdowns for both me and my fiance. I went to collect the wedding cake from the staff shop (my company makes M&S personalised cakes) only to find that they had issued my cake to someone else. It was my last day in work and at one point it looked like I wasn't going to get a cake that day (which would have meant chasing around to pick it up on days that had been put aside for other last minutes things!). After a few tears, a replacement cake was produced and all was well.

Until I got home!!! My fiance had been to collect the suits for the bridal party. He had no shirt or waistcoat and his best man had no waistcoat. The ties and handkerchiefs that they were making for us weren't ready. Which was pretty annoying. Then his father tried his suit on to find the waistcoat didn't fit and when I checked my nephew's waistcoat, they hadn't taken it in as they said they would. I just went into panic mode (given that it is Easter weekend so not many working days left before the wedding!). My brother and nephew are away visiting my sister in law's family and won't be back until Monday night, so if their suits don't fit we only have Tuesday to resolve it. My father in law to be is now sorted out and they have adjusted my nephew's waistcoat. My father's trousers need to be taken up so will be taking them back tomorrow. Fingers crossed, everything will be sorted for the day!

My wedding dress is now hanging up in my parents bedroom. My mother and I had an emotional moment when we picked it up.

I have no idea where my weight is, yesterday I could hardly eat as I was stressed and manically busy trying to get the last minute things done. I've put that all to one side for now and will look at getting a band adjustment once things have settled down.

So, I doubt I will get to post again as a single woman! We are going off on honeymoon next weekend for two weeks but I will post once we're back and hopefully life will be calm again!!!

Getting Better!

2011-04-02T16:32:00.000+01:00

Well, I am feeling a bit more lively than last time - thank heavens for Nytol!!! I've managed to have a few good nights sleep, I'm still tired but not exhausted which is a bonus!

My niece is staying with us at the moment which is fantastic. She stayed last weekend as well and that was the first time I'd seen her in over five years and the first time my fiance had met her. We are talking her and all the parents out for lunch tomorrow for Mothering Sunday and I'm really looking forward to it.

The wedding is looming ever closer! I'm getting really excited about it - when I'm not panicking about last minute things to do! My brother and nephew arrive in the UK this week, they are the last of my Australian family to arrive and I can't wait to see them.

My weight is staying stable at the moment which is great as my diet is terrible. I'm hoping that when life returns to normal, I can get things back on track.

I have another job interview this week - just what I need 3 weeks before my wedding! Fingers crossed I get it so I can cross that off my to do list!!

I am alive - but don't feel very lively!!

2011-03-22T15:27:00.000Z

Yes, I am alive but not sure which way is up at the moment!

I can't believe I haven't posted for so long, the time is racing away with me and I can hardly believe that my wedding is only five weeks away.

It has been a tough few weeks as I haven't been sleeping properly for ages, I can't get off to sleep and when I do drop off, I wake up in the early hours - wide awake!! I am totally exhausted. Hence, I've taken today and yesterday off work as I needed to rest and I am feeling lots better.

The wedding plans are under control and my family in Australia are slowly starting to arrive in the UK which is brilliant.

I had the interview for the job two weeks ago and heard on Friday that I didn't get it - I was devastated as I thought it had gone very well. Apparently there was another candidate who totally rocked them. You never can tell, your interview may have gone really well (the feedback was that there was nothing for me to improve on, I was just beaten by a better candidate) but you don't know how anyone else has got on.

Lots to look forward to when I can muster the energy!

I started the year so well!!!

2011-02-24T21:22:00.000Z

It has been manic these last few weeks and I am so sorry that I haven't blogged for a month - where did that time go?!!!

Work has been totally mad, there was one day at the beginning of Feb (which shall be forever remembered as Black Wednesday) when I was the only member of HR on site and everyone went mad. Three people had to be suspended for misconduct in the space of about an hour (all have since been dismissed), I was in one meeting suspending an employee with the another manager waiting outside to drag me off to suspend the next one!! I can't believe I only have about 8 weeks left on my contract (although they have asked me to work on for a few weeks beyond the end date). I must say, I am looking forward to it all being over, I'm not really enjoying the job if I am totally honest.

The good news is that I have got an interview for the job I mentioned in my last post - I only heard on Tuesday so it has taken a while and the interview isn't until 8th March so they are taking a while - fingers crossed as I would really like this job.

Wedding plans are taking over my life. Since my last post, I have bought my tiara, outfits for both my little bridesmaids and shoes for one (need to take the other one to try some on). I'm having more weird anxiety dreams about the wedding, last night I dreamt I was in the Bridal suite trying to get ready but couldn't get in the bathroom as the door was locked from the inside. I was getting very irate and then lost it, screaming that the wedding should have happened three-quarters of an hour ago!!! Goodness knows what that was all about!

More good news is that, although Bertie has been loosened, I haven't piled on the weight. I have put back on the weight I lost so rapidly over Christmas but I am just back to where I was before. I'll be happy to stay like this now until after the honeymoon and then have him tightened a little bit again.

I can't believe that my wedding is less than 9 weeks away now - yikes so much still to do!! My family in Australia will start arriving soon - I can't wait to see them.

It's all go!

2011-01-22T20:33:00.001Z

It is manic at the moment (story of my life!), not only am I up to my eyes with wedding plans but the dog has been in for an op and a potential new, permanent, job has come up - ARGHH!!!

The dog had to have a lump removed from one of her back legs on Monday. I was stressed out as I didn't really want her having to go through another operation (she had a benign lump removed back in June). She was fine and has come through it all with no real problems. The vet rang me yesterday with the results of the biopsy. It was a cancerous tumour but very low grade and they managed to remove it all so there is only a very small risk of it returning. However, we do need to keep an eye out for any more lumps just incase - I know I'm going to be paranoid, very scary.

I am very excited that a job has come up which sounds exactly like the job I did at my last company. I miss the job (but not the people or the commute) so fingers crossed for me. I would love to get myself settled into a nice permanent job to start off married life. I'll keep you posted!

The wedding plans are stepping up! I had my hair trial today and it was exactly what I was hoping for. It is starting to come together really nicely now and I am starting to get a good picture of what the day will be like!

One week on ...

2011-01-11T19:43:00.000Z

Well, its been a week since I had the de-fill and I haven't piled the pounds on. I have put two pounds since last Tuesday but I expected something like that as I only lost the weight because I wasn't eating hardly at all.

I'm going to keep a close eye on things and I'm trying to keep to the same portion sizes that I was eating when I had tighter restriction. Hopefully, I can keep it going until after the honeymoon and then have a small fill to get the weight going again.

We had the planning meeting with the wedding venue yesterday. It all went well. We went for lunch with my parents afterwards and my mum said how nice it was to see me eating properly for a change.

Lots happening at the moment but all good!!

Ahh ... that's better!!

2011-01-04T20:07:00.001Z

I've just managed a small meal with comfort - bliss!!! I feel so much better already.

1ml down!

2011-01-04T14:16:00.000Z

The nurse has taken 1ml of fluid out of my band. She thinks there may have been a blockage and now there is some swelling. I'll see how this goes, I may need some more out or possibly an x-ray if there is no improvement. If things improve, I can have some more put in.

Fingers crossed, I won't start piling on the pounds too quickly. It feels a bit better, I haven't tried eating yet, that will be the true test!

Hospital appointment

2011-01-04T12:17:00.001Z

Just arrived at the hospital to see the bariatric nurse. I rang her this morning to tell her about the problems with Bertie and she asked me to come in ... Guess she'll be taking some fluid out. Hope that will make me feel better!

Happy New Year - fat chance!!

2011-01-02T12:47:00.000Z

Happy 2011!!!

I can live in hope! It hasn't been a great start so far. Bertie is still being awful, I'm beginning to worry that something is up and I might have to see the bariatric nurse. My cold seems to have cleared up but I'm still struggling with food, much more so than normal. On the plus side, the weight is flying off but I'm tired and hungry which is not good. Soup is okay to get down but I want some proper food now, it's been over a week since I was able to eat properly - not fun!

Hope you all had a better Christmas and New Year than I did!!!

25%

2010-12-27T11:15:00.001Z

I was talking to my fiance over Christmas about my weight loss and how much difference it has made.

We were both stunned when we worked out that I have lost 25% of my original body weight - how amazing is that?! I'm three-quarters the woman I used to be.

As per my previous post, it hasn't always been easy but I'm so glad to be where I am now and delighted to still be losing.

Difficult Christmas but good result!

2010-12-27T11:11:00.000Z

Well, it has been an interesting if somewhat difficult Christmas!

Nothing major! I had my works Christmas do on Thursday 23rd (postponed from 17th due to the snow!). Bertie was ghastly. It was in a very posh hotel in Cardiff. I struggled with the soup for starter and then disaster struck with the turkey. I must have got about 6 or 8 mouthfuls down and then it got stuck and it was extremely uncomfortable until it came back up in my napkin. I was mortified (once again!).

He's been impossible since. I could hardly eat much on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day and even yesterday was difficult. Consequently, I am feeling hungry but pleased to report I am a further three pounds lighter since Thursday! Always a silver lining.

I don't think it helps that I still have the nasty virus that is going around. I keep thinking it's cleared up and then it comes back. I've got a chesty cough which I think is irritating Bertie even more.

Whoever thinks this is an easy option has no idea - you don't get a day off. I'm seriously considering having a de-fill if this doesn't improve within the next few days. Either way, I will also speak to the nurse about whether I need to have a de-fill before the wedding/ honeymoon as I'm not going to have them spoilt by Bertie.

On the bright side, we had a lovely Christmas with the families and I am sitting here wearing a pinafore dress that I haven't worn for about 10 years. So, much as he has been ghastly, I do love Bertie really!

Note to self ...

2010-12-10T15:16:00.000Z

... large slices of lemon drizzle cake and gastric bands do not make for a comfortable afternoon!!!

Getting excited!!

2010-12-07T21:32:00.000Z

It's been a very wedding orientated few weeks! Since I last blogged we have chosen and ordered our invitations, bought our wedding rings, ordered the mens suits, been for a taster evening at the venue and my dress has arrived in the bridal shop.

I am going to try my dress on this Saturday. It won't be a fitting appointment, just to see it and try it on. It will just be me and my mum which is nice!

My weight is staying under 13stone, it has even gone down a little bit more. I bought my first pair of work trousers for over 10 years last week. I needed to keep warm!! I had to get a size 18 to be sure that they fitted my legs. They fit my thighs fine but are massive on the waist, they are like a pair of maternity trousers!

Last time I blogged, I had just had a spray tan for an evening out. We had an amazing night and I felt fantastic in my dress. My fiance told me that he felt emotional when he saw me all dressed up! I dread to think what he will be like at the wedding!! I will try to upload some photos soon.

Browned off!!

2010-11-18T22:38:00.000Z

Hehe - I'm sitting here looking rather orange (well not too bad really!!) I had a spray tan last night for the first time in my life! It is all to make me look better in my evening dress on Saturday. I had to strip down to my pants for the spraying and it made me realise how much more comfortable I am in my own skin these days, I would not have had the confidence to do that prior to Bertie.

Want to see the difference?

2010-11-10T19:27:00.002Z

Here are two photos of my face which clearly show the difference in me! The first one was taken in March 2007 which is about 16 months before my band - I put more weight on in that time. The second one was taken in July of this year.

Yes, I am happy!!!

Hmmm

2010-11-10T18:56:00.004Z

Well, my pessimistic side has been expecting the weight to tip back up over that 13 stone mark - just couldn't believe I'd got there - but no, it has steadfastly stayed below for three days now, whohoo!!! This is good news as my wedding dress will probably arrive in the shop within the next few weeks - need to be able to get into it!!

Work seems to be settling down a bit now, I'm feeling happier and not so 'up and down'. I'm sure it's because I am getting my head around the muddles!!

My Dad has practically sailed through his operation. He came home a day early and is walking really well. I'm so glad that it is all behind him and he can just concentrate on being able to walk me down the aisle pain and limp free!

Wedding plans are getting exciting! We think we've picked our invitations, just waiting to receive the sample through before we order.

The best news, though, is that my brother has booked his flights home - Yay and double yay!!! I'm so excited as I haven't seen him or his family for almost five years (I spent Christmas 2005 with them - they live in Australia). My nephew was only 10 and my niece was 8 so they have grown so much since then. I think my brother is quite excited too, which is not really like him!!

I think they are going to see a massive difference in me. I was at least 3 stone heavier when he last saw me and he doesn't know anything about Bertie.

I really can't tell you how happy I am that I had my band. Don't get me wrong, it isn't an easy option (sometimes it can be really frustrating) but I don't count calories or points or anything anymore and the weight is coming off slowly but surely. I look well, my walking is much improved and I can wear much nicer clothes (back in jeans after goodness knows how many years).

Everyone is different and it might not be the option for you. However, personally speaking, it was the right decision for me and money well spent!

Not sure what is going on ....

2010-11-08T19:36:00.003Z

but the weight is finally moving again!!

I haven't really done anything different but I've lost 2lbs in the last week - phew!!! I am now below 13st which is brilliant!! Still a long way to go but I've always said this is a marathon, not a sprint!!

This is the lightest I've been for about 8 years and I feel amazing! I bought an evening dress last week for a dinner dance (so grown up!!). I had to have it taken up and was amazed when the seamstress said the top had to be taken in as well! It was a size 16, it doesn't seem that long ago when I was kidding myself I could squeeze into a size 20!

Surprise!!!!

2010-10-31T22:49:00.003Z

Just managing to get a second post in this month - by the skin of my teeth!

Not really sure where October has gone, it has certainly been busy. I've bought my niece's bridesmaid's dress this week which was exciting. I saw the one I wanted on the Coast website, went to see it in the shop and loved it. I then found a voucher for 25% off which was fab!

We've also booked the honeymoon - yippee!! Two weeks all inclusive in Mauritius - can't wait, I think I'm almost more excited about that than the wedding (almost but not quite!!).

The weight is staying firm. I spoke to the bariatric nurse a few weeks ago and, rather surprisingly, she has suggested having a little bit of fluid taken out. She says if it is too tight, you end up eating what will go down rather than what is good for you (which is very true!!). I've not quite got my head around that yet - loosen it to lose weight ... can't be right!!! I will see how it goes over the next few weeks.

Mum and I are going wedding shopping tomorrow! My dad is having his second knee replacement operation and my Mum is such a worrier that I know the only way to distract her is to do something like that. We're hoping to sort out the invites - I'm starting to worry about them now!! They have to go out in January and will need to be printed up etc. We will be quite near to the hospital so we can get there as soon as we hear that he's back on the ward.

Apologies - again!!

2010-10-07T20:12:00.002+01:00

Ok, I hang my head in shame that September was my worst blogging month ever with only one post. I am sorry, I find it harder to blog when my other half is around and he seems to have been around a lot lately!!

I also don't seem to have as much time to myself as I thought I would, even though I'm not doing the travelling to work anymore! I guess I am busy with all the wedding planning. Just over six months to go, I can't believe how quickly it is coming round - yikes!!!

Work is incredibly busy, the company is very different to what I've been used to and I feel that I am in a constant muddle - my previous companies had very well structured policies and procedures which just don't seem to be in place here. The people are much nicer than the ones I was working with in my last job but I am quite stressed at times. I am having to step back and tell myself that I am only there for 9 months and then I walk away so I shouldn't stress myself out but it is easier said than done when you want to be professional.

We had a lovely holiday in Zante last week - can't believe we've been home a week! The weather wasn't great but we had some nice spells and I caught up on a lot of sleep (not that I feel the benefit now!!)

My weight is okay, I managed to stay the same on holiday. Bertie is being a bit tempermental. Some days he is fine but others he is a total horror and I can barely eat anything. I think the flight upset him a bit, as I was unable to eat much at all for the first few days of my holiday. I guess that helped me to not put any weight on!

Boo!!!

2010-09-17T11:26:00.002+01:00

Well, I've had a bit of a break from blogging, mainly because I've been extremely busy but also because I rarely get the opportunity to do so due to my other half always being around! Not that I am complaining about that!

The good news is, the weight is starting to shift again. Ever since I had the awful episode at work in August, Bertie has been quite tight so I haven't got much down. I am now over half way on the journey and feeling fantastic!

I'm blogging quickly now as I have to go into work - I'm going in late because I did a shift last night as well. Still not too bad, I'm going in for 12 oclock and will be finishing at 4 oclock so it will fly by.

We're off to Zante next Thursday - I just can't wait, I really need this break.

Not sure if you are following the Pope's visit to the UK but I've just seen some snippets on the BBC news website and was stunned to see that he is currently visiting my old university college - it was weird to see the pictures!!

Anyway, must dash, got to get to work.

Not sure where to begin!

2010-08-24T20:54:00.002+01:00

I can't believe it is almost the end of August and I've only managed one other post this month - I think I will just have to accept that I can't post as often as I would like.

The new job is still going well, although I feel in a constant muddle as their processes and procedures are not as well defined as I have been used to. It does mean that I have to do more 'Old School HR' which is great but I sometimes feel like I am flying without a safety net which is a bit scary!!

The girls I work with are great but I hadn't told them about Bertie - I didn't feel the need or inclination to do so. Would you believe, it made his presence well and truly felt at lunchtime when he rejected the cheese roll I tried to eat. I was totally mortified and obviously had to explain to the three shocked girls sitting with me. It was entirely my own fault as I'd been getting rather complacent about eating. So much for keeping him quiet!!

Feet haven't touched the ground lately!

2010-08-14T12:56:00.002+01:00

This will be a short post as I am trying to type whilst my other half is in the kitchen and I don't want to draw attention to myself - he is very nosey!!!

The new job is going very well, it was a great move. The commute is just 20 minutes each way. The atmosphere is very relaxed, its dress down on Fridays with a 4pm finish - bliss!!

The main problem is a very cheap canteen so I am eating more - must try to control that!

We are off to my parents later, it was my Dad's 70th birthday yesterday and they are having a BBQ tonight to celebrate - might be an indoor BBQ as the weather is not being kind!

Hopefully, we are going via the travel agents and booking a week away in September, I'm desperate for a break and some sunshine!!

I will post again when I can, I just don't seem to get much time to myself on an evening anymore!!

Too good to last!!

2010-07-29T20:42:00.003+01:00

Well, the calm feeling didn't last too long!! I've had a few stresses with my new job, mainly around getting the offer confirmed in writing and trying to iron out a few issues with the system they are using - it is a bit complicated but I'll try to explain!

I got the job through one agent, Company A, but because they don't have a contract with the company who are employing me, Company B, I now have to sit under another agency, Company C, for payroll but they outsource their payroll to Company D (can you see where I'm getting confused!!). Company C sent me out the wrong paperwork, so it appeared that I was having to set up as a limited company and effectively become a Contractor. In addition, I was told I would be weekly paid and have my holiday pay added on to my daily rate which means I won't get paid when I take holiday. I have managed to get the pay sorted to monthly (didn't fancy having to change all my direct debits) but I can't change the holiday pay issue so will have to make sure I put that money to one side and pay myself when I take holiday. I have now got the provisional contract but they have the wrong end date on it (a month short) and are talking about adding National Insurance to my daily rate which implies that I won't be PAYE which is different to what they've told me - I don't know about you but my head is hurting with it and tonight I've cracked open the wine (for medicinal purposes, you understand!!).

Tomorrow is my last day in my current job, it has come around so quickly. I can't believe I won't be making the 26 mile trek each way anymore - yay!!! I'm scared I'll forget on Monday and end up going to Bristol by mistake!!

We've been invited to go back to our wedding venue on Tuesday to have a taster evening - a lovely surprise and I can't wait to see it again!!

And breathe .... !!!

2010-07-17T15:32:00.002+01:00

Well, things have calmed down a bit! They certainly couldn't have gone on the way they were going!

The dog is fine. She's had her staples out and the vet wasn't the slightest bit concerned about the lump. Just told me to keep an eye on it and bring her back if it gets bigger.

My boss has got over herself and is being okay. I just want to get through the next 10 working days and then start my new job.

Life is good and calm .... for now!!!

Stress!!!!

2010-07-13T21:24:00.002+01:00

OMG - life has been a little tough lately!

The good news, as you probably gathered from my last post, is that I got the job I went for - the one I had the second interview for, the other one didn't go anywhere.

My boss, after saying she would come to an agreement on my notice period (which is six weeks!), decided to be a b*tch and when I actually resigned said she wouldn't negotiate at all. Unfortunately, it was too late as I'd told my new employer that she would compromise so I had to resign giving four weeks notice rather than six. She went mental when I told her, shouting and swearing at me - totally unprofessional! She did apologise but then had another outburst last Tuesday over something so trivial! I was very upset, particularly when she made a pathetic, insincere attempt at an apology the following day. I ended up having to speak to her future line manager who was brilliant. She has spoken to her and things have improved,. It was a bit awkward at first, but things seem to be getting slowly better - only 13 work days to go, who's counting?!!!

The dog has her staples out tomorrow. Can you believe, whilst all this has been going on I've discovered another lump and this one is worrying me?! I will ask the vet to check it out but please say a prayer that she will be okay. I'm hoping that it is benign and won't need to be removed. She seems fine in herself, still chasing around like a puppy!

I start my new job on 2nd August and really can't wait!!

Still alive!!!

2010-07-08T14:01:00.000+01:00

Sorry for lack of posts, under extreme pressure at work. My line manager is behaving very unprofessionally and I may be forced to raise a grievance - just what I need during my notice period!

Will do a full post as soon as I can. Have lost weight though - always a silver lining!!

Still stressed!!

2010-06-28T14:12:00.002+01:00

But not yet succumbed to a nervous breakdown!

Work has been horrendous, the deal has been signed and my job is transferring to the new company. My whole team is transferring but only half the work is, so I must draw my own conclusions as to what will happen after we transfer!

Consequently, I have been applying for jobs closer to home. Response to my CV has been very encouraging and I had two first interviews last week. I have a second interview for one later this afternoon and have still to hear on the other one.

The dog managed to pull her stitches out last Tuesday. Fortunately my boyfriend was at home and able to whiz her up to the vets to have 5 staples put in. She now has a lampshade collar and a sock on to stop her doing it again. I took a flyer and left the collar off yesterday in the sweltering heat and she now only has 4 staples - collar reinstated immediately!!

Then my boyfriend's father got rushed into hospital 30 miles away. He had a blackout at a wedding, fell over cutting his head open and breaking his wrist (which wasn't discovered until the next day). My boyfriend got a call at work and had to come home so that we could dash over to the hospital and support his mum. His dad was kept in so we had to go back to the wedding venue to pick their car up and take his mum and the car home. I got to bed at 1.30am and had to be up for work the next day!

All in all, it is still pretty stressful. On the positives, I bought a new skirt the other week, size 16 with a proper zip (ie not elasticated) and thought it would be a bit tight but it is actually a bit too big. It is linen so it gives a bit but I have to put a safety pin in the side to keep it up!!

Nervous breakdown anyone???

2010-06-15T19:42:00.002+01:00

Where do I start?!!!

My stress levels are through the roof and I honestly don't know which way is up!

I haven't managed to motivate myself to get on with my management report as hoped.
My company is likely to be sold and although my job will probably stay, it will change significantly - may cause problems with completing item 1 on this list!
I now need to decide whether I stay and continue to do the 50 mile round trip each day to work with people that, frankly, I don't like or do I take the bull by the horns and find another job nearer to home - may cause problems with completing item 1 on this list!!
A 'friend' who is a wedding photographer 200 miles away, badgered me into letting her do my wedding photos. When I agreed, she wanted me to pay a £100 deposit to hold the date (which I have no problem with!!) but when I checked the price, not only was she not offering me any discount on her advertised prices, it was going to cost me two nights accommodation for her!!! I've declined but I hate things like that - I know people have to make a profit but I felt a bit exploited.
The dog had to go into the vets last Friday for an operation to remove a lump on her side. She is fine but was clearly unhappy with me on the day as I'd taken her in - she was very clingy to my fiance when we picked her up, she has forgiven me now!!
I managed to offend my mother last week with the anniversary card I sent them. It was a funny one but apparently she didn't see the funny side - oops! All forgiven now, I think!

Arghhhhhhhh!!!

On the plus side, I went to London on Saturday with a very dear friend who offered my lots of support! We had a lovely lunch, with a bottle of wine, and then went to see Oliver! which was brilliant. This dear friend has offered to arrange my Hen weekend for me next year which is really kind of her.

Anyone know of any jobs going where I can get paid shed loads of money for very little effort - ideally working from home? ... Thought not!!!!!

Motivation anyone????

2010-06-06T14:13:00.002+01:00

If anyone has any spare motivation to give, I'd be a grateful recipient!!

I am supposed to be working on the Management Research Report which is the final part of my CIPD qualification but I just can't seem to get started and I am reverting to all sorts of distraction activities - I thought I left that all behind when I finished university!!

I've just read my last few posts and realised that I didn't update you after my wedding dress shopping, so here goes (distraction activity number 4!!)....

I've ordered my dress!!!! I couldn't believe it, I had two appointments on the same day and saw THE dress in the first one! We still went to the other appointment but couldn't find anything to match the one so I went back later that afternoon with my mum (who cried when she saw me in it!!) and ordered it! It is perfect for me, not too fussy but really pretty and I felt amazing in it! It now seems very real - especially having to pay for half of it up front!! Mind you, I managed to get it at a very reasonable price compared to what I was expecting to have to pay! Put it like this, I had significant change from £1,000. Money I can now spend elsewhere.

Bliss!!

2010-06-05T14:20:00.002+01:00

Well, I'm sitting in the lounge, with the doors open enjoying the lovely weather! I've done my shopping, ready for dinner tonight and I've done some cleaning so I feel entitled to spend an hour or so on the laptop!

Again, it's been a busy week but nothing too stressful. Apart from the poor dog needing to have a minor op! She has got a little lump on her side and the vet doesn't know what it is so she's going in next Friday to have it taken off and sent away for testing. Fingers crossed it is all benign. She's happy enough in herself, charging around like the mad thing she is! The biggest issue at the moment is, she's had to come off her steroids which she takes for her skin allergies and consequently, she is now itching like crazy. Unfortunately, I can't find her lampshade collar so I have to physically stop her from scratching herself raw - poor thing!

I think I am going to have to seriously think about getting another fill, the weight has crept up very slightly. I'm trying not to stress about it but I think I have lost my focus a bit, which is mad when you think that I am getting married next year! I think the problem is that I have too much on the go at the moment!

Really need to slow down!

2010-05-30T12:16:00.005+01:00

I haven't stopped since I left work on Friday!

I got home and the other half was champing at the bit to go for a curry. We then had a relatively early night as he was working an early shift yesterday and I had a full day planned dress shopping. He got up at 6am and I didn't really go back to sleep. I got up at about 8.30 and had a major trauma with my mobile phone - long story but it managed to delete all my contacts!! I freaked out and totally panicked - after four frantic calls to Vodafone it got sorted but I then had to dash to make my first bridal appointment.

My mum wasn't well so it was just me and my friend. We found THE one at the first appointment. When I put it on, my friend, the assistant and I all went WOW!! I made another appointment to come back with my mum later that afternoon and then we went to the other appointment. I tried loads but none were as good as the one in the first shop. Mum was well enough to come back with me and she cried when she saw me in it so I knew it was the one and I've ordered it! I'm shocked, I fully expected to take ages to find something - it all feels very real now!

I didn't get home til gone 6 and we were supposed to be at some friends for 6.30. They knew I was running late but it was still a quick hop in the shower and then off out again with wet hair! I was totally shattered and struggled to stay awake!

The other half has gone gliding so I'm planning to have a gentle day with a bit of cleaning just to keep him happy! Then I think there will be wine!!

Happier Bunny!

2010-05-27T21:37:00.002+01:00

I am much happier! I got my engagement ring back yesterday and it looks all shiney and new! In fact, I think it looks shinier and sparklier than when I first got it. I can't stop looking at it and smiling - how sad am I?!!

I've just been away on a team building event with work - it was great fun, especially the free bar and not getting to bed until 2am - I am way too old for that (and the Sambucca slammers!!). The worst thing is, with a gastric band, you can't have the obligatory medicinal fry-up the morning after 'cos it just won't go down (especially if you've eaten a three course meal the night before!). I had a rejuvinating glass of orange juice but couldn't eat anything til lunchtime, still I felt much better once I did eat!

One nice thing that happened was one of my colleagues who is currently on maternity leave (but came along for the fun!) commented on how much weight I'd lost - she would really notice as she doesn't see me very often at the moment. She mentioned it more than once which was even nicer!

Well, I'm off wedding dress shopping on Saturday - can't blinking wait!!

Thank God it's Friday!!!

2010-05-21T21:04:00.002+01:00

Well, I am sitting here, wine glass in hand thanking God that it is the weekend!

I had a crap day at work, well it was going well until about 4.45pm when I realised that I don't know where some important paperwork is!! I am feeling a bit stressed about it so the wine is purely medicinal, you understand!!

I am still feeling the loss of my engagement ring, my finger feels so naked! I tried one of my other rings on that finger to help but it just felt weird! I am clinging onto the hope that I will have it back on Wednesday!

Bertie is quite tight at the moment so I don't seem to be able to eat very comfortably but that has to be good ... hasn't it??

A bit upset ... but being silly really!!

2010-05-19T21:12:00.002+01:00

I know, I know, things have been manic lately and I haven't had an evening to myself to be able to blog.

I'm feeling a bit upset tonight and I know I'm being daft! I've noticed that my engagement ring felt a bit rough around the setting recently and I was at the Mall where we bought it tonight so I took it in and asked them to check it out. Apparently, one of the claws has lifted and although the diamond was secure, it has had to be sent off to be tightened. It is going to be gone for at least a week, possibly 10 days - I feel so lost without it!

I've lost another pound - purely down to the manic life I'm living at the moment! I met up with a friend on Saturday who I haven't seen since the end of October - she could really see a difference, which gave me a boost!

We went to see the registrar on Monday to serve our notice of intent to marry - so formal and official!!! We get the official paperwork on 2nd June!

Another lovely weekend!

2010-05-09T15:22:00.002+01:00

I'm struggling to stay awake (at 3.30pm!!). I've had a lovely weekend so far and it's not over yet as I have tomorrow off as well!

On Friday night I met up with one of my friends who I don't get to see often enough! We just went to Pizza Express but it was lovely to catch up on all the news. It was the first time I'd seen her since we booked the wedding so we had lots to discuss. She is going to come wedding dress shopping with me on 29th May - she is about the same size as me and always looks really well dressed. I think she will encourage me to try things that I wouldn't normally try. I've booked two appointments one at 11 and one at 2 so plenty of time for lunch as well!

Then yesterday we had some friends over to stay, I haven't seen them since we got engaged so lots of catching up to do there too! We went out for a curry then back to the local for one drink then home for more wine/beer. It was really great to see them. They stayed for a cooked breakfast so we had a leisurely morning as well! It was nice because they are my friends but the men seemed to hit it off really well.

Now, my other half has gone gliding and I have the house to myself for a few hours - bliss!!

Tomorrow we are taking both sets of parents to the venue as they haven't seen it yet. So exciting times!!

Bertie seems to be a bit tight again, I couldn't eat all my pasta on Friday night and there was no chance in hell of a pudding but the scales are not being friendly - how does that work?!!

I'm contemplating having a band fill, just to get another stone off before I order my dress. Trouble is, finding the time to get it done!

Life is good!!

2010-05-03T15:22:00.003+01:00

It doesn't really get much better than this, a bank holiday weekend with reasonably nice weather and Back to the Future on the telly!!

I've had a lovely weekend. Friday I spent at the hairdressers having my hair cut and coloured - no more grey for a few weeks!! We had a nice quiet evening in, just the two of us and an M&S Two Dine in for £10 dinner - can't beat that for value.

Then we had some friends over for dinner on Saturday evening, it was really relaxed and great fun. Their daughter is going to be my youngest bridesmaid, she will be three in July so will be just coming up to four when we get married.

We went to my fiance's great-aunt's 80th birthday yesterday, it was actually quite nice. I wore a dress and jacket that I bought for a wedding 8 years ago and I think it looked better on me yesterday than it did when I first wore it. The dress fitted beautifully and the jacket - I haven't worn them for years!! It's not often that I feel really great about my appearance but I felt fantastic yesterday and I know my fiance was proud to show me off which is always a lovely feeling. It was a lovely afternoon.

I'm now sitting watching TV with the dog curled up beside me, my fiance is at work and I've done the food shopping ready to cook him a tasty meal when he gets back - life is good!!

Just a quick post!

2010-04-29T18:47:00.002+01:00

I haven't had much chance to post lately, work is busy, other half is constantly around and I'm trying to plan a wedding!!!

I'm feeling very happy with my new shape at the moment. I'm the lightest I've been for about 8 years which is a great feeling. I feel so much more confident in my body, I don't feel like a blob anymore.

I'm just contemplating whether to have a small fill to kickstart me on the wedding diet!!

Just stepped on the rollercoaster....!!!!

2010-04-21T19:46:00.002+01:00

OMG - we've booked the wedding!!

We went to view a possible venue today and ended up booking it. We're getting married on 27th April next year (so it will be my wedding anniversary next Tuesday!) and I can't wait! The venue is amazing and absolutely perfect for us.

I need to get cracking and start making my plans - where on earth do I start?!!!

I'll try not to turn this into a wedding blog but I can't promise not to mention it from time to time!!

Starting to see a pattern...

2010-04-19T19:08:00.002+01:00

... with Bertie's odd behaviour!

I've had another spell of Bertie being unbelieveably tight for no obvious reason. This is the third episode in as many months and it is due to one of two possible reasons (or a combination of both!). It is either:

To do with my monthly cycle
To do with the Clomid tablets I have been taking
A bit of both

All I know is that it is extremely tight at times and I can only manage a few mouthfuls of food. Sadly, even white wine is not as enjoyable at times. I seem to get a burning feeling in my throat and the feeling that I am going to bring everything back up - not nice.

Still, I've lost another pound - bring it on!!

What a week!!

2010-04-17T14:32:00.003+01:00

I am sitting here, struggling to keep my eyes open and it's only 2.30pm!

Sorry for the lack of blogging, again, but I've had a hell of a week! I had to travel upto Liverpool last Sunday for training on our new IT system for work. I had to be rearing to go at 9.30 on Monday morning, so not practial to drive up on the day! I was there until Wednesday afternoon. The journey back was hideous, the M6 roadworks were a nightmare - didn't help that I hit it right on rush hour! The course was full on and although the system will be brilliant when it is launched, there is so much to remember.

I was then in work on Thursday, thinking I could possibly slip off a bit early - no chance, we had a new tribunal claim come in which always causes a flurry of activity. The claim is in relation to a case I managed, I'm confident that we should be able to get it struck out as having no prospect of success but we still have to prepare just in case.

Then yesterday afternoon was the funeral for my former colleague. I left at 3pm to get to the crematorium in plenty of time. It was literally a 10 minute drive and the funeral was at 4. Well, my expectations were right, it was heaving and even at 3.30 the roads around the crematorium were at a standstill! It holds 100 people in the room, the room was packed, the lobby was packed and there were loads of us standing outside! It was great for her family to see how many people turned out for her. It was very emotional.

This morning, I struggled to get out of bed at 10.30 and I still feel as though all my energy has been sapped.

Still, my other half is working until 9.30 tonight so I have the house to myself. I've just got to go and drag myself around Tesco then I can sit out in the sun and relax. I feel a glass of white coming on!!

Struggling to accept ....

2010-04-10T14:20:00.003+01:00

.... why someone who is so lovely, kind and caring should die from cancer at 26? One of my colleagues in my previous job was diagnosed with bowel cancer about a year ago, by the time they caught it, it had spread to her liver and lungs. She died on Thursday. I know people always say nice things when someone dies, but this girl really was a lovely person who would do anything to help anyone.

I feel so angry that she has missed so many things she should have been able to take for granted, like getting married and having children etc. If I think back at what I'd done with my life at 26, it wasn't anywhere near enough. I hadn't bought my house, I hadn't really fallen in love, I hadn't got my first dog of my own, I hadn't become an auntie, I'm sure I could think of more!

So ... I'm going to give a lecture ... appreciate what and who you have in your life, it is all so precious and fragile and you don't know how long you will have it. Tell those you love, that you love them as often as you can and be gentle with them. Don't worry about what you don't have, most of it is unimportant. Do the things that make you happy.

Lecture over, now I am going to prepare for the dinner party I'm holding tonight and do what my friend would want ... I'm going to smile, laugh, have a drink with friends and appreciate that I have them. Then I am going to hold my fiance close and tell him how much I love him.

Laura - you were a very special person who has touched my life very deeply. I admire your dignity and bravery in facing your illness and I hope you rest in the peace you truly deserve. No more pain, sweetheart.

Happy Easter

2010-04-03T13:45:00.002+01:00

So, lots of catching up to do!!

My boyfriend is fine after his 'food poisoning' episode! Although, we have just noticed that the local pharmacy messed up one of his prescriptions. They gave him x4 the strength dosage that he should have had! He only noticed because he has just started a second course and the tablets are different - I think I will be paying them a visit soon. Fortunately he is fine but it could have been very serious.

I finally got to the bottom of my mother's comments about the tiara! It appears to have stemmed from my father who has been banging on to her about me not wearing a wedding dress! It all came out last week when they were over and I mentioned in passing to my father that my mother and I were going looking at dresses the next day. He looked at me in utter horror and said 'you're not going to be wearing a wedding dress at your age'. He is adamant that I am too old at 44 to wear a wedding dress and I should be looking at a suit or a 'costume' - God only knows what that means, but according to my mum that's what they called a fancy outfit in the 50s!! He is totally horrified!

Anyway, my mum and I went dress shopping the next day and had a lovely time. I only tried on three but it has given me a lot to think about. I may well end up with something completely different to what I was expecting.

Bertie has been a little unpredictable - although he has now settled down somewhat. Thank God, as I had another embarrassing episode whilst eating out last Sunday. I had sausage and mash which I thought was fairly safe but something got stuck and it came back up before I was able to get to the ladies. Fortunately, I had a paper napkin on hand and had my back to the rest of the room but it is not pleasant. I think I have to readjust my food-head as I have had a lot of similar episodes recently (all at home!).

It is lovely having a long weekend, I was only back at work for four days but I really felt in the need of the weekend - more upheaval at work has been announced! Fortunately, I am not directly affected but there are people in my wider team who have been put at risk of redundancy and it was a massive shock. Still, I have a short week next week and then the week after I am in Liverpool on a course for three days - Salford Quays here I come!!

It's just all good news...!!!

2010-03-24T13:16:00.004Z

My other half is much better now. My mum has assured me that it wasn't the chicken as it was in the oven for over an hour and it was chicken legs not a whole one! So I am not feeling quite so guilty!

My weight has gone down by another pound - whoppee!!! Mind you, I am still not managing to eat very comfortably so it hasn't exactly been a painless loss but I'm happy!!

I have a wedding dress consultation on Friday morning - just me and my mum!! It is way too early to make any proper decisions but it will be lovely to try some on and get some ideas. I've never tried a wedding dress on in my life - how exciting!!

I have found out that you can get Wedding trainers (sneakers for any American readers) which will be fantastic - due to my disability I can only wear supportive lace up shoes, nothing dainty and not a hope in hell of wearing any type of heel. I was worrying about what I might wear as I wanted to feel special. We saw some at the wedding fayre but they were a bit plain so I thought I'd do an internet search. It seems that they are very popular in the States so I might either order some nearer the time or even have a bash at decorating some myself.

We also have an appointment to view our first choice venue on 21st April - have to wait that long to get a day when there isn't a wedding on. I have a feeling that it will be too expensive but hey-ho!

Some good news and some not so good news!

2010-03-23T12:37:00.002Z

The good news is that the weight has stayed down and is even looking like it is flirting with going down even more!! Also, I am wearing a top I bought ages ago but thought was a bit tight - my other half told me it looks fine and he is pretty direct with feedback!

The not so good news is that I may have given him food poisoning by accident. We had a chicken dish from Delia's summer collection last night, it was yummy but he thought the chicken was a bit pink (it had been in the oven for over an hour!). He was fine until after he ate breakfast and has since been sick - he is lying down at the moment - whoops!!!

Finally, some good news!!

2010-03-22T15:04:00.002Z

After a few difficult food days - which included me throwing my dinner up within 10 minutes - I have managed to lose some weight!! About time, I say!!

My weight has been a little up and down - not much but enough to annoy me! This morning it was down to the lowest so far so I am going to recorded it as encouragement to myself! It is not an easy way to lose it but at least I am seeing some results for my suffering!

I went to my first Wedding Fayre yesterday. It would be so easy to get caught up in the drama of the occasion! My mum couldn't come as they were away for the weekend so I went with my boyfriend's mum. My mum said she didn't mind but when I told her about it last night (after she asked me!) she really annoyed me. I mentioned that I tried on some tiaras. She seemed a bit taken back and then commented that she thought I was going for the sophisticated look and wasn't I a bit old for that!!! I know I am 44 but I look young for my age and this is my first and only wedding so I want to look special - was I a bit over sensitive to cry when I put the phone down?!! It didn't help when five minutes later in discussion about wedding dresses with my boyfriend - I mentioned that I didn't really want a sleeveless/strapless dress (all you seem to see now are bodice type dresses) as I have a thing about my bingo wings - he said well you can always have a shawl...!!! I now think everyone must see me as an old granny who shouldn't wear a tiara and needs to wrap up in a shawl (I'm imagining something crotcheted!!).

Like I'm not already stressed....!!!

2010-03-19T22:01:00.002Z

Bertie has now conspired against me along with the dysfunctional body! I woke up this morning with the familiar feeling of a too tight band. I've struggled to eat all day and had a sensation of acid reflux - NICE!!!

I would soooooooo love a glass of wine and some chocolate but I know if I try, I'm going to REALLY regret it!!

Still, look on the bright side, I'm on annual leave this coming week - BLISS!!

2-0 to the dysfunctional body

2010-03-18T12:49:00.001Z

Yes, sadly I am not pregnant again. The hospital have confirmed that I am still not ovulating so I've had to increase the dose.

I'm feeling a bit down as I think I'm chasing dreams that will never happen - even if I got pregnant there are a lot of risks due to my age. I feel I'm being silly and a bit selfish. My boyfriend is, as usual, being amazingly supportive - I'm so lucky really, perhaps it's time to appreciate what I have and stop dreaming.

Sorry if this is a bit depressing, I'll stop wallowing soon and get back to normal.

Oh dear ...

2010-03-13T19:15:00.002Z

My good intentions, once again, did not come to pass! My week did not go according to plan at all!

I only had Wednesday night to myself, I had to go food shopping on Thursday night with my boyfriend's mother and then I had a hairdressers appointment last night. Both nights I only got in the door about 10 minutes before my boyfriend which mean I didn't get any uninterupted time on the laptop!

He is at work now but when he comes home, he starts a fortnight's holiday! Still, I am pretty excited as I have booked a week off for his second week which will be lovely. I'm hoping to be able to get some wedding stuff done. I will have to grab time on the laptop as and when.

My band is now back to normal although the weight is fluctuating slightly. I'm having good days and bad days but I am feeling really well and I think my face is looking thinner.

Peace at last!!!

2010-03-09T19:18:00.002Z

For the first time in ages, I have the laptop and the house to myself!!! This means I can post in comfort without screwing my eyes up to try to read the mobile phone screen! I'll try to make the most of it this week as my boyfriend (or should I now say fiance!!) is only working this week and is then off for two weeks and then two weeks of earlies so I won't get this chance again for about five weeks!

Bertie has settled down somewhat although I do still struggle sometimes. The weight went off, looked like it was going on again and has then come off again so I don't know what to make of it!

Work is hideously busy, I am managing my first Employment Tribunal claim which is a great opportunity for me but very full on!! The last four weeks have just romped around, I can't believe how quickly they are going.

My dad is recovering very well from his knee replacement. It has been four weeks today, he is walking really well and even started driving again. It is great to see him getting around without the pain.

We have finally got onto proper broadband again. We've had it a week and it is total bliss after the mobile broadband which was soooooooooo slow!!

Does anyone reading this have any knowledge of dog behaviour??? We are concerned about our Lab cross Daisy who has just turned 7. She seems fine, in so much as she is eating and drinking as normal. She still enjoys playing games and going for walks. However, for the last two weeks or so she has taken to disappearing upstairs to her basket on an evening instead of snuggling up on the sofa with us which she normally does. It is weird as she is snuggled next to me right now but if my boyfriend came back she would disappear and she does the same if my boyfriend is here with her their own. It is almost as though she feels like a gooseberry!! Anyone got any thoughts??

Still no firm plans in place for the wedding yet, I just can't wait to be able to start planning. It might be a nice distraction if the fertility treatment doesn't work.

Well, I'm off to get some dinner, will try to post again while I have this golden window!!!

Go Bertie!

2010-02-28T11:15:00.000Z

It's been painful but worth it! My weight loss had virtually ground to a halt and I was losing and gaining the same few pounds but I've got rid of them plus another one!! Will update my ticker when I can get on the laptop.

It's not funny!!!

2010-02-26T22:18:00.004Z

I don't believe it!! I've just written a long post but lost it when I tried to upload it!

I'm tired and not sure I can remember everything I wrote but basically I was moaning that although Bertie has loosened slightly, I am still struggling. I'm not too worried as I am able to keep most things down, particularly drinks so I don't think he has slipped but it is a bit frustrating.

I went out with some friends last night and was dreading it as I was sure I wouldn't be able to eat. I know I couldn't manage much meat or anything too dense so I picked my food very, very carefully! I had lasagne which is a real safe bet as it is soft with minced meat which is easier to digest. To my surprise, I was able to eat it which was bliss as I hadn't had much to eat since Tuesday. I followed that with Tiramisu which I knew would practically slide down. It was lush but I couldn't eat it all - how empowering to leave some pudding!!

My main concern is that my glass of chilled white is not going down. I've had it for about two and a half hours and I haven't quite finished it. It is tasting acidic which is a big worry - I changed to white when red started to be acidic. I hope this is a temporary situation, I'm not sure I could cope with life without wine!!!

Still, in all fairness, I think Bertie is just doing his job. I am a bit puzzled that the tightness has suddenly increased for no apparent reason but I suppose I should be grateful, it is like getting a free fill!!

Bertie - you're a brute!

2010-02-24T13:10:00.000Z

I'm not sure what is going on but Bertie is not a happy chappie! I woke up early this morning with a heavy feeling in my chest which has not gone away. Bertie feels really tight. I've had two hot drinks to try and loosen him up but to no avail. Consequently, all I've managed to eat so far today is a yogurt and a few bites of a really yummy wrap - how frustrating!

I think something might be stuck as I had problems with my dinner last night. If it doesn't improve I'll give the bariatric nurse a call - after I've shifted a few pounds of course!!

Better luck next time...

2010-02-20T09:54:00.001Z

Well, my first cycle of fertility treatment didn't work. I suppose it was a big expectation. We will just have to keep trying!
We have started looking at possible wedding venues which is quite exciting but we can't make any real plans yet just in case the treatment works! I don't want to waddle down the aisle - well, any more than I would normally!
Work has been crazy these last two weeks, I'm so glad it's the weekend. We have no plans today so I expect to be chilling out! Tomorrow we are going to see a good friend of mine who I don't get to see of enough. They have got a rescue dog since I last saw her so we're going to get the dogs introduced and then have lunch - yum!
Bertie is being awful at the moment, I'm really struggling at times. The scales don't reflect it but a lot of people have commented so something must be going on.
We went to a meeting in the village on Monday about the village institute. I am such a soft touch, I somehow ended up on the committee! Still it should help us get to know some of our neighbours. Monday's meeting was quite hilarious, there were times when i thought we'd stumbled onto the set of The Vicar of Dibley! Should make for interesting committee meetings!! All good fun!

Happy Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T11:36:00.000Z

Well, I'm still resorting to mobile posting as I just don't seem to get any time at home on my own to post in peace!
Work has been full on this week, lots of naughty people including some having sex in the stationery cupboard - there are some cases that make it worth all the stress!
My dad had his knee replaced on Tuesday so I've been going in to visit him a lot - all went well and he is now home.
So it's been a tough week. Still I had a great facial and manicure yesterday so I feel good and not ashamed of showing off my ring!
Hope you are spending the day with the one you love! we're off to look at a potential wedding venue...!

Foiled again!

2010-02-06T10:36:00.000Z

Well, my plan to post properly this week was thwarted by my boyfriend failing his medical for work and being signed off for two weeks!! This mobile posting is great but it is on a tiny touch screen so very fiddly!

I can't believe how quick the week went. It's flashed by in a blurr or should I say dazzle? All I seemed to do all week was flash the bling!

Excitement seems to be good for the figure as the weight is showing signs of moving again - at last!

Must dash, got shopping to do and got to get to the hairdressers and my eyes are going cross eyed with this screen!

Very exciting!!!

2010-02-01T12:49:00.000Z

Just a quick post to tell you that I got engaged at the weekend! I'm so excited. Will do a full post later in the week - when I stop grinning like a mad woman!

It works ...

2010-01-30T15:28:00.000Z

Will now give it a rest!

Just trying something else - please bear with me!!

2010-01-30T15:26:00.000Z

Whohoo!!

2010-01-30T15:15:00.002Z

I did it!! OMG - I am a bonafide technophile!!!

Hopefully this now means that I will be able to post more freely even when my boyfriend is working mornings.

I'm feeling better from my cold but I am now a year older - it was my birthday on Wednesday. The worst thing was, my period was late and I thought I might be pregnant but then it started on my birthday - the irony!! Still, I have now started to take the Clomid so fingers crossed it might help.

Other than that, nothing much exciting has happened. My boyfriend is taking me out for my birthday tonight which should be lovely.

Look out for my short and sweet mobile posts!

Testing!!!

2010-01-30T15:14:00.001Z

Just trying to post using my mobile ... attempt number 2!!

Poorly sick!!

2010-01-23T12:46:00.002Z

Yes, I am still alive but I have the lurgy!! I didn't really stand a chance as my boyfriend had it and the girl I sit next to at work had it so I was bound to succumb! I am sitting in the lounge in my dressing gown feeling very sorry for myself.

It has been a busy old time, I had an appointment at the fertility clinic last week. I really wasn't expecting anything after the disaster in Bristol in October. However, I was pleasantly surprised that they have given me fertility drugs to ensure I ovulate. He gave me Clomid - if anyone knows anything about what it's like to take, I'd be really interested to hear their experiences. I haven't taken it yet as I have to wait for the right point in the cycle but I am very excited that it might work. Of course the risk is that I could have a multiple pregnancy or at my age the risks of problems with the baby are higher but we'll cross those bridges if and when we come to them.

I've upgraded my mobile phone and I am still trying to work out how it all works as it is very different. Anyway, it has internet capability so I am hoping to be able to post from my mobile. I will work it out, eventually, but this could be fab as I could post during my lunch hours and when I get a spare minute. I'll keep you posted - pardon the pun!

Snow watch ...

2010-01-12T22:05:00.002Z

Well, it's been an interesting week! Much as I love the snow, I'll be glad to see the back of it. It is a long time since I can remember the snow staying around for so long, usually we have a few days and then it's gone. I couldn't get to work last Wednesday but managed to get in on Thursday and Friday although I needed to use a wheelchair to get to and from the car at work. This is against my feelings really but it is safer and means I don't get stressed at the thought of going in during the bad weather. I am now watching the snow come down again, wondering whether I will be able to get to work tomorrow - fingers crossed (but I'm not saying what I'm hoping for!!).

Work seems to be a bit better at the moment, I'm almost enjoying it! There is lots of change happening, more restructures but at least this time I'm watching rather than participating.

The weight is steady at the moment, I'm sure it will sort itself out soon.

I can't believe it is our third anniversary today, where did that time go. This time three years ago, my boyfriend and I were sat in a pizza restaurant being all polite to each other - how times change!!

Will try to keep up my posting targets but my boyfriend is off this week and then on earlies for two weeks so it is difficult to post without questions!!

Half a snow day!!

2010-01-05T17:21:00.002Z

It's been a funny old day, I went into work but keeping an eye on the weather as we were predicted heavy snow. I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to call me if it started snowing at home. He rang at about 12.30 to say it was snowing quite heavily and the lane and our driveway were quite covered. It was still okay in Bristol so I thought I'd wait, then it started to snow quite heavily in Bristol and others were leaving work. I wasn't sure what to do but talking to some colleagues decided that we should go home. The snow was sporadic coming home, in some places quite heavy and none at all in others.

I got home and it had stopped - I felt a right fraud! My poor car share had to come home as well, I feel awful!

Still, they are predicting a heavy fall tonight so will have to see how things go in the morning. I did bring some work home to do but I would have stayed if I'd known it was going to stop.

Back to normality ...

2010-01-04T20:53:00.005Z

So the tree is gone, the cards are down and Christmas is over for another year ...

Well, it has been an interesting day! Back to work, what a rude awakening I got in the car and the temperature gauge was saying -6 degrees, I've never seen such a low reading. All the way to work it didn't get much higher than -3! It caused a problem as the washer jets had frozen over and my windscreen was filthy, I managed to get to work and fortunately they had defrosted sufficiently by the time I came to leave. Will have to see whether the promised snow will make an appearance.

I had a very interesting phone call this evening, from the gynaecologist in Bristol! We have had considerable trouble in getting the results of my boyfriend's sperm analysis - the one that was submitted in OCTOBER!!! We finally got the results from our GP the day before Christmas Eve and it was rather depressing as he told my boyfriend that he was only 25% fertile which made me think we were chasing an impossible dream. Anyway, the gynaecologist called tonight to apologise for the problems and she explained the results in much more detail and was able to correct the GPs incorrect interpretation. Basically, in a normal sample 85% of the sperm are abnormal and only 15% are normal - a bit weird if you ask me!! Anyway, in my boyfriend's sample only 3% were normal and the GP deduced that this meant he was only 25% fertile. What he did not take into account was that a normal sample is expected to 20million sperm per ml, whereas my boyfriend's sample had 87million per ml!!! So whilst his normal percentage was low this was compensated by the quantity produced. Overall, they expect a normal sample to have a mean average of 1.5million viable sperm per ml and my boyfriends was 1.1million which is not far short of normal. She went on to say that in her experience she believes a further analysis would produce a completely normal result.

She gave me some suggestions on treatments that could be helpful if we decided to go privately. I didn't mention my appointment next week but it gives me some options to discuss with them. She has also suggested a suitable website for information. So I am feeling much happier. It was really nice to talk to her, she was very friendly and approachable. My boyfriend was very chuffed when I told him as I think he was putting a brave face on it - you know what they are like about things like that!!

Anyway, that is a nice start to the year - not pregnant but the chance is still there, however slim!!

So far, so good!

2010-01-02T19:07:00.002Z

Feeling good that I am able to get two consecutive posts!

I had a lovely lazy day yesterday, it was very decadent. I did absolutely nothing all day and didn't feel a bit guilty (until my boyfriend got home!!).

I've been out and about today, had my legs waxed (oh joy!) and then did some food shopping. It was horrible having to think about planning for food next week at work - I haven't done a full week for ages!

The weight has dropped again - I'm so much more chilled about it these days! My beautician commented today on how well the weightloss was going. She'd noticed that my legs were much smaller which is brilliant as that is where I have been carrying an awful lot of it - partly due to my underlying condition - they were seriously very very bad.

We're starting to plan our holiday in Australia this year. My brother lives in Perth and I haven't seen him for four years - he's never met my boyfriend. We haven't decided yet when we will go, it will either be in September or, if we can get the flights at a reasonable price, Christmas - that would be fab!!

Whohoo 2010!!!

2010-01-01T14:53:00.002Z

I'm starting 2010 as I hope to go on - with a post!!

We had a lovely quiet start to the year. I went to see our friends in the evening which was great fun, they have a two and a half year old who is just adorable. I was playing with her for ages. I then got home about 9.30 and my boyfriend was already there so we caught up on some programmes we had recorded with a nice glass of red. It was so nice after such a hectic Christmas. Its just a shame that my boyfriend has to work today.

My weight has gone up slightly over Christmas - it was only a pound but then this morning it was three!! I'm not panicked because I know Bertie will sort it!

I think 2010 is going to be very interesting workwise and homewise. First off, I have an appointment to see another gynaecologist on 14th Jan here in Newport. This referral is specifically for fertility issues - I'm not expecting much after the issues in Bristol but we'll see what they say. If it is meant to be it will happen, if not I must be grateful for all the good things that I have in my life and make the most of them.

Happy New Year!

2009-12-31T17:06:00.002Z

Guess what my New Year's Resolution will be?!! Yes - to try to post more often! My posting this month has been abysmal and I do apologise but I think it is a reflection on how I have been feeling. I'm starting to feel a bit better but I know I need to make some changes going forward to ensure I stay that way!

Anyway, Christmas was lovely if rather hectic! I was back in work yesterday and today. I am just about to go an have dinner with some friends and then get back home before my boyfriend gets home from work around 9.30 so that we can see the New Year in quietly together!

I hope to be able to post properly tomorrow!

Enjoy your New Year celebrations and I hope you have a happy and healthy 2010!!

Merry Christmas!!

2009-12-24T13:25:00.002Z

Well, I'm not going to apologise again for the lack of posts!! I'm sure you realise by now that it is because I've had a rather hectic time.

I'm sitting down for five minutes, waiting for my boyfriend to come home from work. We will then be getting off to my parents for tonight, his parents tomorrow and then home here on Boxing Day.

Work has been horribly hectic and I have really struggled. I have been so tired and very emotional - if I hadn't know better, I would have thought I was pregnant but I'm not. I have decided to definitely put in a flexible working request to work from home, I've got all the paperwork to fill in over the holiday. If they don't agree, I will have to seriously consider finding a job nearer to home.

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit better now and hopefully the break will do me good, I'm not back in work until Wednesday.

The good news is that I've lost some weight, I have now broken the 3 stone barrier which is really thrilling for me.

So it just remains for me to wish you all a very Merry Christmas!! I hope to post again after the weekend.

Darn it!!

2009-12-16T19:38:00.002Z

Well, my good intention from my last post didn't last long - sorry (again!) but posting was difficult last week.

I was totally exhausted after chasing around with work. I spent most of the week crying for no apparent reason. Also my body was playing cruel tricks as I was a bit later than normal so had a day or so of hoping that I might be pregnant but I wasn't. It's taken a week for me to start to feel normal, a few good nights sleeps has helped!

I had a terrible day on Thursday, I was all due to travel to Coventry (again!) for a meeting which was cancelled at the last minute by the union rep for no good reason. I went into work later than normal, the car park was rammed and some inconsiderate b*stard had parked in my allocated parking space. The space is marked as a disabled space and as reserved for me by name. It took half an hour for the security team to find me another space as they were having problems locating the individual who had parked there. The problem developed further when they located him and he said he was too busy to leave his desk to move it!!!!!!! I lost it!! He spoke to my line manager after she sent him a stinking email and he said he would apologise - I'm still waiting! He did eventually move his car but parked it opposite my space - not in a marked bay - which made it awkward for me to get in and out of the space. People are so selfish and up their own a*ses sometimes!!

I'm off to Coventry tomorrow for the meeting which should have happened last week - lets hope the union rep behaves this time!

My weight is holding its own which is amazing given the time of year!

Still alive!!

2009-12-07T20:47:00.002Z

Just in case you were wondering ... I am still alive.

I can't believe how long it has been since I last posted and can only apologise. Work has been totally manic as we have been delivering training workshops in Basingstoke, Bristol and Coventry. We've done six in the last two weeks and I am totally exhausted. The last one was in Basingstoke today and I am so glad they are finished.

Tomorrow I need to try to catch up with my cases and emails as I won't be back in the office again then until next Monday - busy, busy!!

I have now completed my Christmas shopping, have parcelled up and sent off our presents to Australia and also posted all our cards - wow, don't know when I was so prepared before.

The weight is good and I've had a lot of comments lately on how I've lost more weight which is all good.

I will try to post a bit more frequently but I am out and about quite a bit this week!!

Good news!

2009-11-27T17:59:00.002Z

Or not, I don't believe I've just spent 20 minutes writing a post and, when I tried to save it, the screen went blank and I lost it all - I can't even remember everything I wrote!!!

So, here we go again .....

My ticker is up and running again. I've had to start from scratch with it so it looks different. Not only have I jazzed it up with a new design, but I have also adjusted the goal weight by half a stone as I think I was being a little optimistic - I can always reassess the situation when I (finally) get nearer to that weight.

The good news is that I am seeing some progress on the weight loss front and am now only 1 pound off losing 3 stones. The pay off for this is that Bertie has been a bit of a brute over the last few days but I guess that is what I signed up for. At least he is still kind with the wine!

Speaking of which, I think I should go and crack open the bottle that is chilling in the fridge - it has been one hell of a week and I think I have more than earned it!!

So tired ....!!

2009-11-21T09:27:00.002Z

Oh dear, I am sitting here thinking I have so much to post but struggling to stay awake. I keep staring off into space and yawning my head off!!

I had a late night last night, it was Children in Need and I was helping man the phonelines again this year. It was great fun again. The only problem was, some of the people on the later shift did not turn up and we had a surge in calls at 9.20 which was just before we were due to change shifts. I agreed to stay a bit longer to help them over it and ended up staying until 10.15 when there was a lull. My final call was brilliant, I took a donation of £500 from a guy. I was stunned, that is the highest donation I've ever taken - people are so generous. The callers are lovely, I had one call from a lady with two little boys, the call started with one of them saying they wanted to give money to the children who don't have grandparents to look after them!! Then his brother came on at the end to say he was watching Bob the Builder and that he loved me - it was so sweet, those are the calls which make it all worthwhile!!

I was shattered by the time I got home at 11. I had been in work since 8.45! I just went straight to bed and sleep.

We had a new bed delivered on Wednesday - it is just fantastic!! I get problems with my back so we decided to get a really good bed. It wasn't cheap but it is worth every penny. It is a super kingsize and is completely huge - I almost need a step ladder to get into it. It is so comfortable, you feel completely supported all along your spine. The only problem is that you don't want to get out of it!

I was planning to have a nice long lie in this morning but the dog went mad when the post arrived and woke me up. I then needed to go to the bathroom and she was asking to go out so I'm up, perhaps I'll sneak back in a minute.

It has been a very busy week, I was in London last Saturday with my friend for our bi-annual trip to see a show. This time we saw Calendar Girls - it was fantastic, I would thoroughly recommend it if you are thinking of seeing a show. We had lovely day out.

I then had to go back to London on Monday with work which was tiring!

We are out with friends for curry tonight which should be great and then my boyfriend's brother and his family are coming to lunch tomorrow so I need to go shopping at some point! I also have to go over to Bristol to get my hair done. So I probably don't have time to sneak back for a nap!!

I just hope all this activity, with little time for eating, is having a positive impact on my weight!!

Another week whizzes past!!

2009-11-17T20:48:00.003Z

I can't believe I'm starting another post in disbelief that another week has gone by in a blur!

I'm hoping that I will be able to post a bit more easily next week as my boyfriend will be working lates, he's been on holiday for two weeks and then on two weeks earlies so it is always a bit tricky to post without arousing interest!!

Work is busy, busy which is good as the time is flying by. I had a trip to London on Saturday, I will post about that later in the week - we had a brilliant time!

My weight loss is now officially 40lbs, I will have to do something about my ticker when I get some time!

Whohoo!!

2009-11-10T22:45:00.002Z

I'm not quite sure how or why and I'm certainly not going to question it but my scales seem to be showing that I have lost another pound. I'm not doing anything different, that I'm aware of!! I am feeling really good about it so fingers crossed it continues!

Still not worked out how to update my ticker so it is a bit out of date - will keep trying.

Back on track!

2009-11-05T22:39:00.002Z

I seem to be apologising for a lack of posting again! I can't believe it has been a week since I last posted, where has the time gone?!

I am much better now, my back has eased and I can move much more freely which is a huge relief. I went back to work on Monday and was completely disorientated with my cases, still back in the swing now! I had my annual orthopaedic check up today and I told them that I'd been having some back problems so they have referred me for some physio which should help.

We got the new car on Tuesday and I am totally in love with it. It is so solid and feels so safe which is great since I spend so much time on the motorway these days. It doesn't half shift though! It is a Volvo V70 which is huge - I did struggle trying to park it last night, I had no idea of the actual size of the thing! It has built in satnav which is a great novelty to us, it is hilarious! She sounds quite shirty at times!

It's all gone a bit wrong!!

2009-10-28T16:02:00.003Z

I'm sorry for the delay in posting, as you may have guessed by the title of this post, things have gone a bit awry!!

I am sitting on the sofa, having been off work for the last three days with a bad back. It is entirely my own fault, I was so tired (or, as my boyfriend is dishonestly telling everyone, drunk) on Sunday after his cousin and her family left that I fell asleep in the armchair with one leg over the arm of it and my back seems to have gone into a spasm. I am slowly getting better but it is very painful. Unfortunately, I can only take one of the painkillers that the doctor gave me on Monday as the other one makes me feel very sick.

There was some good news today, I stood on the scales and finally I have lost a pound - unfortunately, my password for the ticker isn't working - (or I can't remember it!) so I can't update it. I'll try again but I may have to start again - bother!! I was particularly excited as this finally takes me below 14 stone which is something I haven't been for a number of years!!

We saw the GP on Friday morning, she was fantastic. She sent me for the necessary blood tests and I have to go back this week for the results. I think they may be a bit out as my cycle is not the full 28 days but I'll see what comes back. I also took my boyfriend's sample to the hospital for analysis to check he is all okay. That is such a funny experience, you have to get it to the hospital within an hour of it being produced and keep it at body temperature. Bearing in mind that means a 25-30 mile dash down the motorway with it tucked in the waist band of your skirt, hoping that you don't get stopped or have an accident, you can see it is quite amusing!!

I also had a massive reality check on Friday. I went out with a group of people I used to work with two years ago. There were about 30 of us out and I only knew about 20 of them - if that. While I was there I realised of the people I knew, two are in remission from breast cancer, one of them (who is only 26) is fighting bowel, liver and lung cancer (with only a hope of extending her life not curing her illness) and another lost his 15 year old son earlier this year. It suddenly brought everything into perspective, especially the 26 year old. I'm pining for a 'nice to have' she is hoping for a miracle to allow her to live just a little bit longer. It made it much easier at the weekend when I discovered that once again, I'm not pregnant. It will be helpful to have the results of our tests but if we don't have a baby I am going to accept that it wasn't meant to be and concentrate on all the positives in my life.

Interesting ...

2009-10-20T21:11:00.002+01:00

I'm feeling lots better after the weekend.

I went back to work yesterday and had nothing but understanding and support. My boss has been fantastic and has told me if I need to take time out for appointments then just make them and we will work round it. One of my colleagues is pregnant via IVF and she has given me some very useful information. Apparently, the first test that should have been done was to check my FSH levels which gives an indication of how many eggs I have left and then they can do another blood test to check whether I have actually ovulated. I am now seeing my GP to ask for these tests on Friday. My colleague has offered to talk it through with me any time which is really lovely.

I think once we have these tests done and my boyfriend's test results are known we will be in a better place to understand what our chances/options are, so I'm feeling happier.

I've just met my old boss for a coffee which was great, lots to catch up on! I also bumped into the nurse from the obesity service. I, rather cheekily, took the opportunity to mention my concern that I might need another fill. She thought I looked like I'd lost more weight but said I might need another one. She's advised to give it a bit longer so we agreed to wait until the new year and then do something if necessary.

So, all is calm again and I am feeling happier!

Early morning!

2009-10-17T08:14:00.002+01:00

Well, despite being exhausted last night, I have had a very early start this morning. I was awake at about 5am, then my boyfriend was up at 6am for work. I managed to drift off to sleep again but was woken by the phone at 6.45am. It was my boyfriend to tell me that there was an abandoned van blocking our driveway. He'd moved it to get out but thought I ought to know as it was probably stolen and we should be cautious!! Anyway, the police got here about 7 and the tow truck has only just arrived. It has caused chaos as we live on a country lane which is the main route in and out of the village.

I'm feeling better today, I think I was just stunned by the hospital. They have said all along that there would be help for me but when they came to do the referral it turns out I am too old at 43. The limit is 42. I feel particularly frustrated as my birthday was January so my age hasn't changed since they first saw me and I expected age to be an issue back in April but when they were so positive with what they could do for us I didn't give it another thought.

We do have the option to pay privately for treatment and we need to give that some serious consideration. The problem is, the hospital were talking about less invasive intervention than IVF which I was happy about as we had decided to draw the line at IVF for fear of chasing unobtainable dreams. Now, I'm thinking if we are going to pay for treatment we would be better investing in IVF as it may give us a greater chance of success and I'm not sure I am able to put myself through that rollercoaster. The consultant told me yesterday that my chances of getting pregnant with IVF are 10% and actually having a baby is only 5% which at £2-4k a go is almost akin to flushing the money away, not to mention the emotional trauma it could cause. All along I have said I didn't want to become so obsessed with it that I had no where to go if it didn't happen and now I just don't know what to do.

I need to count my blessings and remember that there are so many people in this world who have had to come to terms with not becoming parents. I suppose I just hoped it would happen somehow!

Devastated

2009-10-16T21:25:00.002+01:00

I've had the day from hell today. I had the follow up appointment after my operation in July.

I'm okay, I'm not ill, I'm just not pregnant and I'm not going to get the fertility treatment they promised. I'm still feeling very emotional so I won't try to explain it all now but suffice it to say I am devastated.

I need to try to get a bit of perspective and I'm sure I'll be okay in a day or so but right now my eyes are swollen and red from a day of on and off crying!!

Feeling good!

2009-10-14T20:50:00.002+01:00

Just a quick post - having a busy time at work!!

Bertie is working a treat at the moment. I have started to listen to my body and only eat when I feel the need to which is not often . I hope that this will have a positive impact on my weight loss - it is looking promising!

Today I felt good because I wore a size 16 skirt and jumper and a size 14 coat (which was fitting very well!!). I have to keep reminding myself that not that long ago I was struggling to stay in a size 20 (not always successfully!!). Bearing in mind that I am only 5 foot tall - you will realise that I resembled a ball and now am more like an egg!!!

I was working in London today which is always a nice day out, a four hour meeting and four hours on a train - beats having to work for a living!!

Where is the time going?

2009-10-10T10:43:00.002+01:00

Sorry for the lack of posts, it has been a bit difficult cos my boyfriend is working mornings this week and next so it is tricky to get on line without him nosing!!

This week has been such a drag, I have been exhausted all week and struggled to drag myself out of bed. Yesterday I was driving to work wondering whether I was going to make it through the day, I felt as though I'd already done a days work and should really be on my way home. I've had a nice lie in this morning and feel a bit better, atlhough I am about to start running around all over the place now so will probably be shattered again by tonight! Then we have some friends coming to lunch tomorrow - busy, busy!!!

Bertie has cut me some slack so thank heavens for small mercies!!

Anyway, must jump in the shower and get moving.

Back in the swing!

2009-10-06T22:27:00.002+01:00

Well, we had a lovely time in Ireland! We got back late on Sunday and it has been a bit of a whirlwind getting back in the swing of things. Feels like we've not been away at all!

Bertie behaved himself to start with but I think he got fed up with me towards the end and just stopped me eating more than a few bites. Consequently, I only put on one pound over the whole week and I think that was more to do with the copious amounts of alcohol I drank! Fortunately, that had disappeared today so I'm more than chuffed!

He has kept this up for a few days now and today was a total b*gger. I've had an ache in my chest all day and felt like I was going to throw up a few times - still that is what I signed up for. I fully expect the scales to reflect this but I bet they don't!!

I apologise for my last post, I read it just now and spotted a few typos! Obviously, I meant that I would try to post more frequently in OCTOBER!!!

Signing off for now!

2009-09-26T22:45:00.002+01:00

Well, we're off on our holiday tomorrow. The case is packed and the hotel is booke so we are getting quite excited.

I'm struggling with Bertie a bit, I find I can't eat much during the day but by evening I can manage quite well. The biggest problem I'm finding is that I am getting reflux at night which it something I've never suffered with. As soon as I lie down, I get an acidy sensation in my chest/throat. I'm going to try some Gaviscon to see whether that helps and when I get back from Ireland I am going to ring the bariatric nurse to get some advice.

My weight seems to have levelled off again so I think I might have to make more of an effort with my eating plan - I think I've taken Bertie a bit for granted. Still, my boyfriend could do with losing a bit of weight so perhaps we will have a bit of a health kick until Christmas!

Anyway, I'll sign off for now, will try to post more frequently during November - at least I have a shiney new computer, even if the mobile connection is frustratingly slow!!

Now - where was I?!!

2009-09-22T20:42:00.002+01:00

I'm back in the groove! I have my shiney new laptop and am just getting to grips with it all! The laptop is swish although I do miss my old one which I'd had for three years and knew inside out. I'm still in the process of transferring all the data from my old one to the new one - it takes some getting used to!

The weight has been okay, I seem to be struggling with eating much at present which is good.

I can't believe we are off to Ireland on Sunday, I can't wait to spend time with my family over there and also getting some quality time with my boyfriend.

I'm hoping to be able to post a bit more frequently now!

Remember me....?!!

2009-09-16T19:49:00.002+01:00

Well, I am alive but still computer-less! This is the first time I've managed to get my boyfriend's laptop to myself.

My laptop is back from the repairshop but I am waiting to hear from the insurance company about getting a replacement so I'm not sure how long that is going to take.

Things have been very busy, I spent the weekend being a domestic godess! I did some baking which is practically unheard of for me!! I made chocolate brownies and millionaires shortbread - quite successfully I might add!! As well as that, we had my boyfriend's parents over for lunch on Sunday so I cooked a fab roast dinner (even if I do say so myself!) and made a scrummy trifle. Shame I couldn't eat much of it!!

Bertie seems to be in quite a bad mood at the moment, I've had a few days now where he is not enjoying any food. Today was quite good because I just didn't feel hungry. I had a latte when I got to work then I didn't eat anything til lunchtime when I had tuna, sweetcorn pasta bake but could only manage half. Now I've just had some battered lemon chicken which was tasty but didn't go down too well. I stood on the scales this morning and I've lost another pound so I can't complain.

It is serious!!

2009-09-12T09:33:00.002+01:00

Following my last post, this is the first chance I've had to get onto the blog. My boyfriend is at work so I have hi-jacked his laptop without fear of being caught!!

Unfortunately, my laptop is not going to make it. They fitted the new usb ports but they didn't work which means it won't be economically viable to repair - I'm gutted. We won't have it back until Monday and then we are going through an insurance claim - it got pulled off a table accidently and landed on the dongle which was plugged into the usb port - so it may be a little while before I have my own laptop again. I will try to keep posting on this one but it will be as and when I get it to myself!!

I've lost another pound - I think I do need a further fill but I will wait until after our trip to Ireland now and then I'll phone the nurse for her advice.

I'm off shopping in a moment, my boyfriend's parents are coming for lunch tomorrow and I've decided to do some baking - help!!!!

Problems, problems!!

2009-09-04T21:10:00.003+01:00

I am hoping that my worst fears won't be realised but I think my laptop is going to have to go in for repairs as both the USB ports are shot and I need them to get on line as I use mobile broadband. I will try my best to keep posting using my boyfriend's laptop but, if you are a regular reader, you will probably know how difficult that may prove!

At the moment, I have the dongle plugged in to the one that is still just about working but it is wobbling about and liable to disconnect at any moment!!

So, if I disappear without a trace you will know what has happened and I will get back on line as soon as I can!

I am alive!!

2009-09-02T20:52:00.002+01:00

Just to let you know I am still alive!

Apologies for the lack of blogging, my boyfriend has been on a week off and is now on mornings which means I don't get much time to myself and it is risky posting when he is around! Although he is sitting near me now, oblivious!!

Bertie is not playing ball - again! I lost two pounds after the fill and since then I've been playing around with the same two pounds! I think I'll wait and see how things are when we get back from Ireland and then I'll ring the bariatric nurse and see what she thinks about another fill.

I will try to post when I can but it might be difficult!!

Size 14 pants!!!

2009-08-28T18:09:00.000+01:00

I can't believe I forgot to post this!!

A few years ago, when I was starting one of my many, many diets, I was in M&S underwear department. They were doing one of their buy 3 pairs of pants for £10 so I thought I would buy a size 16, a size 14 and a size 12 to grow down to. I've been wearing the size 16 for a while and thought I'd try the size 14 on Saturday.

YES!! They fitted!! I don't think anything else in a size 14 will fit just yet, but I don't care

Getting to grips with Bertie

2009-08-24T18:42:00.002+01:00

Well, I've had an interesting weekend with Bertie, one minute he is letting me eat almost as before and the next minute he is being very vicious! I can't really complain as that is what I bought him for but it would be nice to know when I will be able to eat and when I won't!

The scary thing is that I seem to be having a problem with wine, even white is occasionally a bit acidy - this is my biggest fear, wine is my indulgence!!

The scales have stuck at two pounds down since the fill but I feel different so I am sure the scales will catch up eventually.

I had a lovely meal out with my friend on Friday, we both had tapas and thoroughly enjoyed it.

I'm excited as we've just booked to go to Ireland for a week at the end of September. My mum is Irish and I have a lot of family and friends over there who I don't get to see very often. My boyfriend hasn't been to that part of Ireland before and hasn't met most of the family so that will be an interesting experience for him!!

It's working ...

2009-08-20T23:27:00.002+01:00

Another one bites the dust - pound that is - and the scales were teetering on another one, all good stuff!. I have now lost 36 pounds which is one third of the total amount I want to lose. It is actually two pounds since the fill as I had put one on. I've updated my ticker - it is bringing a smile to my face, I can tell you!

I am amazed at how different things are now, I just know I cannot manage a lot of food but I can eat a reasonable amount. I am struggling with wine which is a bit of a worry but I'll just see how that goes.

I am going out for a meal with a friend tomorrow night. I was a bit anxious about it, being so soon after my fill. However, I've booked a mediterranean style restaurant which does tappas, so I am hoping I can get away with ordering a few small dishes. Fortunately, this friend knows about Bertie so at least I won't be trying to hide his existence!

Learning curve!

2009-08-19T21:10:00.002+01:00

It's been an interesting day or so ... Bertie has settled down to some extent and, I must be honest, is not as vicious as I was dreading.

Having said that, things are different. The lump in my throat has subsided but I do feel quite full most of the time. Occasionally, I feel what I would describe as 'lower stomach hunger'. That is, I feel as though I am hungry but I also feel as though I won't be able to eat as my 'top stomach' won't let it through. I am also finding that I feel I want/need to burp (a common occurrence with a band) but I can't and I end up worrying that I am going to be sick.

I really know that Bertie will allow me to eat enough to feel satisfied but won't let me eat too much. Looking back now I realise I was able to push him further than I should have, for example, I could pack away quite a few biscuits with my cup of tea before but now I know I couldn't. This is what I signed up for, I think I've found my 'sweet spot' - lets just see how the weight is going before I get too excited! My food intake today has been, a skinny latte for breakfast, a small packet of Quavers, some crackers and Philly, a Mullerlight yoghurt, two malted milk biscuits, some mashed potato with grated cheese and a choc ice. I'm now supping a glass of white wine feeling very full - I'm not even sure the wine will all go down!!

I had a strange experience last night, I was lying in bed and my chest started gurgling. I know it is Bertie and probably because he is tighter and not letting any trapped wind come up but it was very strange. I was telling one of the girls in work today, she is five months pregnant and said that is exactly what happens to her at night. She thinks it's to do with the stomach being restricted.

I will weight myself in the morning and post later. I'm hoping to see some results!!

O M G ! ! ! !

2009-08-17T21:47:00.002+01:00

Hold on to your hats, Bertie is taking no prisoners!!

This is the fill that I think is going to get me losing weight consistently. I have spent the last few days feeling totally full with a lump in my throat. I've had to make myself eat as I know I need something in my stomach.

Today, all I've managed is two pots of fromage frais, one muller light yoghurt, some mashed potato with grated cheese and a chocolate pudding (eaten to try to get some calories in!).

I know it will settle down a bit after a day or so, but this one is different and I think it will keep me quite restricted for some time.

Still there is always the blessing of a nice cup of tea!! Bertie likes tea, he finds it soothing!

I had to buy some new (smaller) jeans today, I knew that the ones I bought in May were really too big - I couldn't wear them without a belt (which made them look all bunched up) and still had to keep hoicking them up but I discovered last night that I could get them on and off without undoing them and thought enough is enough!!

I am very pleased!!!

Filled!!

2009-08-15T19:06:00.002+01:00

I've done it, I had my fill this morning and so far I'm doing okay!

It was great to see the nurse and have a chance to ask her lots of questions. She only gave me half a mil of fill which I think was probably plenty. I'm now on fluids for 24 hours and then onto soft foods for a few days. I am aware that it is tighter as I have a slight feeling of tightness in my chest. I'm pretty sure that I won't be able to eat much when I start again but that's what it's all about!

After the fill, my mum and I went shopping at the Mall. It was lovely to spend some quality time with my mum. I bought two new tops (well, my mum bought one for me!!) they were both size 16 which is progress.

Then I came home to find red roses waiting for me from my boyfriend. He's at work but I'm really looking forward to him coming home!

We're going to a friend's birthday tomorrow, don't think I will be able to eat anything but I'm sure I'll cope!

Whoosh!!!

2009-08-14T18:02:00.003+01:00

That is the only word I can use to describe my life since the last post!!

I went back to work on Monday which was a bit of a shock to the system! Within a few hours I didn't feel as though I'd been away. I was hoping to ease myself back gently and only take on a few cases over the week but within 48 hours I was up to the same level of cases as everyone else. Mind you, to be honest, I prefer to be busy. The office politics are annoying but I'm just keeping to myself!!

They have appointed someone to the team leader position who I really like and get on very well with so I am delighted. She moves across a week on Monday and I can't wait.

I am very tired now though so glad to have the weekend to recover. Although, I can't laze about in the morning as I have to be in Bristol for my band fill at 11. My mum wants to come with me so I'm going to have to leave earlier and pick her up on the way. I am excited but a little bit apprehensive at the thought of my band fill. I will be really chuffed to see the weight shifting more quickly but a bit nervous about how that may impact on me.

I'll try to post tomorrow to let you know how I got on!

Where did the week go?

2009-08-08T11:38:00.002+01:00

Well, it has been a very busy week!

I've had friends over on three days this week which has been lovely! Two of them hadn't seen the house before and loved it.

We also went car hunting on Wednesday. I have a car through the Motability leasing scheme and my current car goes back at the beginning of November so I have to order a new one three months in advance to ensure there are no gaps in the leasing. We had narrowed it down to a Passat or a BMW Three Series so went to test drive them both. The trouble was I preferred the Passat and my boyfriend preferred the BMW. So we ended up with a Volvo - not quite sure how that happened!! We both really liked it and it had the space of the Passat with the power of the BMW. It was so funny though because we turned up at the dealership at 4pm, we looked at the car and then the salesman offered us a test drive. He got us all settled in the car, which was brand new with a full tank of petrol and Sat Nav and then said I'll see you when you get back. He let us take this car on our own without asking for ID or even to see our driving licences!!

My parents got home from their holiday yesterday so we went to Heathrow to pick them up. It was so lovely to see them after such a long time. They are catching up on some sleep and will be coming over this afternoon to see the house.

I'm doomed!!!

2009-08-03T12:24:00.002+01:00

I'm so disappointed ... I've had to postpone my band fill!

Over the weekend, I noticed that the scar which still had the stitch under the skin was sore and had a lump underneath it. I've been to the doctor this morning and I have an infection so he's put me on antibiotics.

When I got home and took one of the tablets I realised that they will never go down if I have my band filled as they are like horse tablets!!! So, reluctantly, I've moved the fill to Saturday 15th but I am disappointed!

So, no band fill and no alcohol to drown my sorrows!!

Ouch!!

2009-07-31T18:10:00.000+01:00

I had an appointment with the practice healthcare assistant yesterday for an new patient assessment. She was absolutely lovely and we got on really well.

At the end of the appointment, I asked her to check my stitches as they had not dissolved as expected. Out of the three scars, I was concerned about two of them. She said she would get the practice nurse to come and look as well. The practice nurse took one look and said they won't dissolve. She was lovely as well and took me down to the treatment room to take them out straight away. She actually had to do all three scars as one of them still had the stitch under the skin - that one hurt like hell!!

Two of them looked a bit inflamed so she put iodine dressings on them - lets hope they heal up now!