Happy New Year!

Guess what my New Year's Resolution will be?!! Yes - to try to post more often! My posting this month has been abysmal and I do apologise but I think it is a reflection on how I have been feeling. I'm starting to feel a bit better but I know I need to make some changes going forward to ensure I stay that way!

Anyway, Christmas was lovely if rather hectic! I was back in work yesterday and today. I am just about to go an have dinner with some friends and then get back home before my boyfriend gets home from work around 9.30 so that we can see the New Year in quietly together!

I hope to be able to post properly tomorrow!

Enjoy your New Year celebrations and I hope you have a happy and healthy 2010!!

Merry Christmas!!

Well, I'm not going to apologise again for the lack of posts!! I'm sure you realise by now that it is because I've had a rather hectic time.

I'm sitting down for five minutes, waiting for my boyfriend to come home from work. We will then be getting off to my parents for tonight, his parents tomorrow and then home here on Boxing Day.

Work has been horribly hectic and I have really struggled. I have been so tired and very emotional - if I hadn't know better, I would have thought I was pregnant but I'm not. I have decided to definitely put in a flexible working request to work from home, I've got all the paperwork to fill in over the holiday. If they don't agree, I will have to seriously consider finding a job nearer to home.

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit better now and hopefully the break will do me good, I'm not back in work until Wednesday.

The good news is that I've lost some weight, I have now broken the 3 stone barrier which is really thrilling for me.

So it just remains for me to wish you all a very Merry Christmas!! I hope to post again after the weekend.

Darn it!!

Well, my good intention from my last post didn't last long - sorry (again!) but posting was difficult last week.

I was totally exhausted after chasing around with work. I spent most of the week crying for no apparent reason. Also my body was playing cruel tricks as I was a bit later than normal so had a day or so of hoping that I might be pregnant but I wasn't. It's taken a week for me to start to feel normal, a few good nights sleeps has helped!

I had a terrible day on Thursday, I was all due to travel to Coventry (again!) for a meeting which was cancelled at the last minute by the union rep for no good reason. I went into work later than normal, the car park was rammed and some inconsiderate b*stard had parked in my allocated parking space. The space is marked as a disabled space and as reserved for me by name. It took half an hour for the security team to find me another space as they were having problems locating the individual who had parked there. The problem developed further when they located him and he said he was too busy to leave his desk to move it!!!!!!! I lost it!! He spoke to my line manager after she sent him a stinking email and he said he would apologise - I'm still waiting! He did eventually move his car but parked it opposite my space - not in a marked bay - which made it awkward for me to get in and out of the space. People are so selfish and up their own a*ses sometimes!!

I'm off to Coventry tomorrow for the meeting which should have happened last week - lets hope the union rep behaves this time!

My weight is holding its own which is amazing given the time of year!

Still alive!!

Just in case you were wondering ... I am still alive.

I can't believe how long it has been since I last posted and can only apologise. Work has been totally manic as we have been delivering training workshops in Basingstoke, Bristol and Coventry. We've done six in the last two weeks and I am totally exhausted. The last one was in Basingstoke today and I am so glad they are finished.

Tomorrow I need to try to catch up with my cases and emails as I won't be back in the office again then until next Monday - busy, busy!!

I have now completed my Christmas shopping, have parcelled up and sent off our presents to Australia and also posted all our cards - wow, don't know when I was so prepared before.

The weight is good and I've had a lot of comments lately on how I've lost more weight which is all good.

I will try to post a bit more frequently but I am out and about quite a bit this week!!

Good news!

Or not, I don't believe I've just spent 20 minutes writing a post and, when I tried to save it, the screen went blank and I lost it all - I can't even remember everything I wrote!!!

So, here we go again .....

My ticker is up and running again. I've had to start from scratch with it so it looks different. Not only have I jazzed it up with a new design, but I have also adjusted the goal weight by half a stone as I think I was being a little optimistic - I can always reassess the situation when I (finally) get nearer to that weight.

The good news is that I am seeing some progress on the weight loss front and am now only 1 pound off losing 3 stones. The pay off for this is that Bertie has been a bit of a brute over the last few days but I guess that is what I signed up for. At least he is still kind with the wine!

Speaking of which, I think I should go and crack open the bottle that is chilling in the fridge - it has been one hell of a week and I think I have more than earned it!!

So tired ....!!

Oh dear, I am sitting here thinking I have so much to post but struggling to stay awake. I keep staring off into space and yawning my head off!!

I had a late night last night, it was Children in Need and I was helping man the phonelines again this year. It was great fun again. The only problem was, some of the people on the later shift did not turn up and we had a surge in calls at 9.20 which was just before we were due to change shifts. I agreed to stay a bit longer to help them over it and ended up staying until 10.15 when there was a lull. My final call was brilliant, I took a donation of £500 from a guy. I was stunned, that is the highest donation I've ever taken - people are so generous. The callers are lovely, I had one call from a lady with two little boys, the call started with one of them saying they wanted to give money to the children who don't have grandparents to look after them!! Then his brother came on at the end to say he was watching Bob the Builder and that he loved me - it was so sweet, those are the calls which make it all worthwhile!!

I was shattered by the time I got home at 11. I had been in work since 8.45! I just went straight to bed and sleep.

We had a new bed delivered on Wednesday - it is just fantastic!! I get problems with my back so we decided to get a really good bed. It wasn't cheap but it is worth every penny. It is a super kingsize and is completely huge - I almost need a step ladder to get into it. It is so comfortable, you feel completely supported all along your spine. The only problem is that you don't want to get out of it!

I was planning to have a nice long lie in this morning but the dog went mad when the post arrived and woke me up. I then needed to go to the bathroom and she was asking to go out so I'm up, perhaps I'll sneak back in a minute.

It has been a very busy week, I was in London last Saturday with my friend for our bi-annual trip to see a show. This time we saw Calendar Girls - it was fantastic, I would thoroughly recommend it if you are thinking of seeing a show. We had lovely day out.

I then had to go back to London on Monday with work which was tiring!

We are out with friends for curry tonight which should be great and then my boyfriend's brother and his family are coming to lunch tomorrow so I need to go shopping at some point! I also have to go over to Bristol to get my hair done. So I probably don't have time to sneak back for a nap!!

I just hope all this activity, with little time for eating, is having a positive impact on my weight!!

Another week whizzes past!!

I can't believe I'm starting another post in disbelief that another week has gone by in a blur!

I'm hoping that I will be able to post a bit more easily next week as my boyfriend will be working lates, he's been on holiday for two weeks and then on two weeks earlies so it is always a bit tricky to post without arousing interest!!

Work is busy, busy which is good as the time is flying by. I had a trip to London on Saturday, I will post about that later in the week - we had a brilliant time!

My weight loss is now officially 40lbs, I will have to do something about my ticker when I get some time!

Whohoo!!

I'm not quite sure how or why and I'm certainly not going to question it but my scales seem to be showing that I have lost another pound. I'm not doing anything different, that I'm aware of!! I am feeling really good about it so fingers crossed it continues!

Still not worked out how to update my ticker so it is a bit out of date - will keep trying.

Back on track!

I seem to be apologising for a lack of posting again! I can't believe it has been a week since I last posted, where has the time gone?!

I am much better now, my back has eased and I can move much more freely which is a huge relief. I went back to work on Monday and was completely disorientated with my cases, still back in the swing now! I had my annual orthopaedic check up today and I told them that I'd been having some back problems so they have referred me for some physio which should help.

We got the new car on Tuesday and I am totally in love with it. It is so solid and feels so safe which is great since I spend so much time on the motorway these days. It doesn't half shift though! It is a Volvo V70 which is huge - I did struggle trying to park it last night, I had no idea of the actual size of the thing! It has built in satnav which is a great novelty to us, it is hilarious! She sounds quite shirty at times!

It's all gone a bit wrong!!

I'm sorry for the delay in posting, as you may have guessed by the title of this post, things have gone a bit awry!!

I am sitting on the sofa, having been off work for the last three days with a bad back. It is entirely my own fault, I was so tired (or, as my boyfriend is dishonestly telling everyone, drunk) on Sunday after his cousin and her family left that I fell asleep in the armchair with one leg over the arm of it and my back seems to have gone into a spasm. I am slowly getting better but it is very painful. Unfortunately, I can only take one of the painkillers that the doctor gave me on Monday as the other one makes me feel very sick.

There was some good news today, I stood on the scales and finally I have lost a pound - unfortunately, my password for the ticker isn't working - (or I can't remember it!) so I can't update it. I'll try again but I may have to start again - bother!! I was particularly excited as this finally takes me below 14 stone which is something I haven't been for a number of years!!

We saw the GP on Friday morning, she was fantastic. She sent me for the necessary blood tests and I have to go back this week for the results. I think they may be a bit out as my cycle is not the full 28 days but I'll see what comes back. I also took my boyfriend's sample to the hospital for analysis to check he is all okay. That is such a funny experience, you have to get it to the hospital within an hour of it being produced and keep it at body temperature. Bearing in mind that means a 25-30 mile dash down the motorway with it tucked in the waist band of your skirt, hoping that you don't get stopped or have an accident, you can see it is quite amusing!!

I also had a massive reality check on Friday. I went out with a group of people I used to work with two years ago. There were about 30 of us out and I only knew about 20 of them - if that. While I was there I realised of the people I knew, two are in remission from breast cancer, one of them (who is only 26) is fighting bowel, liver and lung cancer (with only a hope of extending her life not curing her illness) and another lost his 15 year old son earlier this year. It suddenly brought everything into perspective, especially the 26 year old. I'm pining for a 'nice to have' she is hoping for a miracle to allow her to live just a little bit longer. It made it much easier at the weekend when I discovered that once again, I'm not pregnant. It will be helpful to have the results of our tests but if we don't have a baby I am going to accept that it wasn't meant to be and concentrate on all the positives in my life.

Interesting ...

I'm feeling lots better after the weekend.

I went back to work yesterday and had nothing but understanding and support. My boss has been fantastic and has told me if I need to take time out for appointments then just make them and we will work round it. One of my colleagues is pregnant via IVF and she has given me some very useful information. Apparently, the first test that should have been done was to check my FSH levels which gives an indication of how many eggs I have left and then they can do another blood test to check whether I have actually ovulated. I am now seeing my GP to ask for these tests on Friday. My colleague has offered to talk it through with me any time which is really lovely.

I think once we have these tests done and my boyfriend's test results are known we will be in a better place to understand what our chances/options are, so I'm feeling happier.

I've just met my old boss for a coffee which was great, lots to catch up on! I also bumped into the nurse from the obesity service. I, rather cheekily, took the opportunity to mention my concern that I might need another fill. She thought I looked like I'd lost more weight but said I might need another one. She's advised to give it a bit longer so we agreed to wait until the new year and then do something if necessary.

So, all is calm again and I am feeling happier!

Early morning!

Well, despite being exhausted last night, I have had a very early start this morning. I was awake at about 5am, then my boyfriend was up at 6am for work. I managed to drift off to sleep again but was woken by the phone at 6.45am. It was my boyfriend to tell me that there was an abandoned van blocking our driveway. He'd moved it to get out but thought I ought to know as it was probably stolen and we should be cautious!! Anyway, the police got here about 7 and the tow truck has only just arrived. It has caused chaos as we live on a country lane which is the main route in and out of the village.

I'm feeling better today, I think I was just stunned by the hospital. They have said all along that there would be help for me but when they came to do the referral it turns out I am too old at 43. The limit is 42. I feel particularly frustrated as my birthday was January so my age hasn't changed since they first saw me and I expected age to be an issue back in April but when they were so positive with what they could do for us I didn't give it another thought.

We do have the option to pay privately for treatment and we need to give that some serious consideration. The problem is, the hospital were talking about less invasive intervention than IVF which I was happy about as we had decided to draw the line at IVF for fear of chasing unobtainable dreams. Now, I'm thinking if we are going to pay for treatment we would be better investing in IVF as it may give us a greater chance of success and I'm not sure I am able to put myself through that rollercoaster. The consultant told me yesterday that my chances of getting pregnant with IVF are 10% and actually having a baby is only 5% which at £2-4k a go is almost akin to flushing the money away, not to mention the emotional trauma it could cause. All along I have said I didn't want to become so obsessed with it that I had no where to go if it didn't happen and now I just don't know what to do.

I need to count my blessings and remember that there are so many people in this world who have had to come to terms with not becoming parents. I suppose I just hoped it would happen somehow!

Devastated

I've had the day from hell today. I had the follow up appointment after my operation in July.

I'm okay, I'm not ill, I'm just not pregnant and I'm not going to get the fertility treatment they promised. I'm still feeling very emotional so I won't try to explain it all now but suffice it to say I am devastated.

I need to try to get a bit of perspective and I'm sure I'll be okay in a day or so but right now my eyes are swollen and red from a day of on and off crying!!

Feeling good!

Just a quick post - having a busy time at work!!

Bertie is working a treat at the moment. I have started to listen to my body and only eat when I feel the need to which is not often . I hope that this will have a positive impact on my weight loss - it is looking promising!

Today I felt good because I wore a size 16 skirt and jumper and a size 14 coat (which was fitting very well!!). I have to keep reminding myself that not that long ago I was struggling to stay in a size 20 (not always successfully!!). Bearing in mind that I am only 5 foot tall - you will realise that I resembled a ball and now am more like an egg!!!

I was working in London today which is always a nice day out, a four hour meeting and four hours on a train - beats having to work for a living!!

Where is the time going?

Sorry for the lack of posts, it has been a bit difficult cos my boyfriend is working mornings this week and next so it is tricky to get on line without him nosing!!

This week has been such a drag, I have been exhausted all week and struggled to drag myself out of bed. Yesterday I was driving to work wondering whether I was going to make it through the day, I felt as though I'd already done a days work and should really be on my way home. I've had a nice lie in this morning and feel a bit better, atlhough I am about to start running around all over the place now so will probably be shattered again by tonight! Then we have some friends coming to lunch tomorrow - busy, busy!!!

Bertie has cut me some slack so thank heavens for small mercies!!

Anyway, must jump in the shower and get moving.

Back in the swing!

Well, we had a lovely time in Ireland! We got back late on Sunday and it has been a bit of a whirlwind getting back in the swing of things. Feels like we've not been away at all!

Bertie behaved himself to start with but I think he got fed up with me towards the end and just stopped me eating more than a few bites. Consequently, I only put on one pound over the whole week and I think that was more to do with the copious amounts of alcohol I drank! Fortunately, that had disappeared today so I'm more than chuffed!

He has kept this up for a few days now and today was a total b*gger. I've had an ache in my chest all day and felt like I was going to throw up a few times - still that is what I signed up for. I fully expect the scales to reflect this but I bet they don't!!

I apologise for my last post, I read it just now and spotted a few typos! Obviously, I meant that I would try to post more frequently in OCTOBER!!!

Signing off for now!

Well, we're off on our holiday tomorrow. The case is packed and the hotel is booke so we are getting quite excited.

I'm struggling with Bertie a bit, I find I can't eat much during the day but by evening I can manage quite well. The biggest problem I'm finding is that I am getting reflux at night which it something I've never suffered with. As soon as I lie down, I get an acidy sensation in my chest/throat. I'm going to try some Gaviscon to see whether that helps and when I get back from Ireland I am going to ring the bariatric nurse to get some advice.

My weight seems to have levelled off again so I think I might have to make more of an effort with my eating plan - I think I've taken Bertie a bit for granted. Still, my boyfriend could do with losing a bit of weight so perhaps we will have a bit of a health kick until Christmas!

Anyway, I'll sign off for now, will try to post more frequently during November - at least I have a shiney new computer, even if the mobile connection is frustratingly slow!!

Now - where was I?!!

I'm back in the groove! I have my shiney new laptop and am just getting to grips with it all! The laptop is swish although I do miss my old one which I'd had for three years and knew inside out. I'm still in the process of transferring all the data from my old one to the new one - it takes some getting used to!

The weight has been okay, I seem to be struggling with eating much at present which is good.

I can't believe we are off to Ireland on Sunday, I can't wait to spend time with my family over there and also getting some quality time with my boyfriend.

I'm hoping to be able to post a bit more frequently now!

Remember me....?!!

Well, I am alive but still computer-less! This is the first time I've managed to get my boyfriend's laptop to myself.

My laptop is back from the repairshop but I am waiting to hear from the insurance company about getting a replacement so I'm not sure how long that is going to take.

Things have been very busy, I spent the weekend being a domestic godess! I did some baking which is practically unheard of for me!! I made chocolate brownies and millionaires shortbread - quite successfully I might add!! As well as that, we had my boyfriend's parents over for lunch on Sunday so I cooked a fab roast dinner (even if I do say so myself!) and made a scrummy trifle. Shame I couldn't eat much of it!!

Bertie seems to be in quite a bad mood at the moment, I've had a few days now where he is not enjoying any food. Today was quite good because I just didn't feel hungry. I had a latte when I got to work then I didn't eat anything til lunchtime when I had tuna, sweetcorn pasta bake but could only manage half. Now I've just had some battered lemon chicken which was tasty but didn't go down too well. I stood on the scales this morning and I've lost another pound so I can't complain.

It is serious!!

Following my last post, this is the first chance I've had to get onto the blog. My boyfriend is at work so I have hi-jacked his laptop without fear of being caught!!

Unfortunately, my laptop is not going to make it. They fitted the new usb ports but they didn't work which means it won't be economically viable to repair - I'm gutted. We won't have it back until Monday and then we are going through an insurance claim - it got pulled off a table accidently and landed on the dongle which was plugged into the usb port - so it may be a little while before I have my own laptop again. I will try to keep posting on this one but it will be as and when I get it to myself!!

I've lost another pound - I think I do need a further fill but I will wait until after our trip to Ireland now and then I'll phone the nurse for her advice.

I'm off shopping in a moment, my boyfriend's parents are coming for lunch tomorrow and I've decided to do some baking - help!!!!

Problems, problems!!

I am hoping that my worst fears won't be realised but I think my laptop is going to have to go in for repairs as both the USB ports are shot and I need them to get on line as I use mobile broadband. I will try my best to keep posting using my boyfriend's laptop but, if you are a regular reader, you will probably know how difficult that may prove!

At the moment, I have the dongle plugged in to the one that is still just about working but it is wobbling about and liable to disconnect at any moment!!

So, if I disappear without a trace you will know what has happened and I will get back on line as soon as I can!

I am alive!!

Just to let you know I am still alive!

Apologies for the lack of blogging, my boyfriend has been on a week off and is now on mornings which means I don't get much time to myself and it is risky posting when he is around! Although he is sitting near me now, oblivious!!

Bertie is not playing ball - again! I lost two pounds after the fill and since then I've been playing around with the same two pounds! I think I'll wait and see how things are when we get back from Ireland and then I'll ring the bariatric nurse and see what she thinks about another fill.

I will try to post when I can but it might be difficult!!

Size 14 pants!!!

I can't believe I forgot to post this!!

A few years ago, when I was starting one of my many, many diets, I was in M&S underwear department. They were doing one of their buy 3 pairs of pants for £10 so I thought I would buy a size 16, a size 14 and a size 12 to grow down to. I've been wearing the size 16 for a while and thought I'd try the size 14 on Saturday.

YES!! They fitted!! I don't think anything else in a size 14 will fit just yet, but I don't care

Getting to grips with Bertie

Well, I've had an interesting weekend with Bertie, one minute he is letting me eat almost as before and the next minute he is being very vicious! I can't really complain as that is what I bought him for but it would be nice to know when I will be able to eat and when I won't!

The scary thing is that I seem to be having a problem with wine, even white is occasionally a bit acidy - this is my biggest fear, wine is my indulgence!!

The scales have stuck at two pounds down since the fill but I feel different so I am sure the scales will catch up eventually.

I had a lovely meal out with my friend on Friday, we both had tapas and thoroughly enjoyed it.

I'm excited as we've just booked to go to Ireland for a week at the end of September. My mum is Irish and I have a lot of family and friends over there who I don't get to see very often. My boyfriend hasn't been to that part of Ireland before and hasn't met most of the family so that will be an interesting experience for him!!

It's working ...

Another one bites the dust - pound that is - and the scales were teetering on another one, all good stuff!. I have now lost 36 pounds which is one third of the total amount I want to lose. It is actually two pounds since the fill as I had put one on. I've updated my ticker - it is bringing a smile to my face, I can tell you!

I am amazed at how different things are now, I just know I cannot manage a lot of food but I can eat a reasonable amount. I am struggling with wine which is a bit of a worry but I'll just see how that goes.

I am going out for a meal with a friend tomorrow night. I was a bit anxious about it, being so soon after my fill. However, I've booked a mediterranean style restaurant which does tappas, so I am hoping I can get away with ordering a few small dishes. Fortunately, this friend knows about Bertie so at least I won't be trying to hide his existence!

Learning curve!

It's been an interesting day or so ... Bertie has settled down to some extent and, I must be honest, is not as vicious as I was dreading.

Having said that, things are different. The lump in my throat has subsided but I do feel quite full most of the time. Occasionally, I feel what I would describe as 'lower stomach hunger'. That is, I feel as though I am hungry but I also feel as though I won't be able to eat as my 'top stomach' won't let it through. I am also finding that I feel I want/need to burp (a common occurrence with a band) but I can't and I end up worrying that I am going to be sick.

I really know that Bertie will allow me to eat enough to feel satisfied but won't let me eat too much. Looking back now I realise I was able to push him further than I should have, for example, I could pack away quite a few biscuits with my cup of tea before but now I know I couldn't. This is what I signed up for, I think I've found my 'sweet spot' - lets just see how the weight is going before I get too excited! My food intake today has been, a skinny latte for breakfast, a small packet of Quavers, some crackers and Philly, a Mullerlight yoghurt, two malted milk biscuits, some mashed potato with grated cheese and a choc ice. I'm now supping a glass of white wine feeling very full - I'm not even sure the wine will all go down!!

I had a strange experience last night, I was lying in bed and my chest started gurgling. I know it is Bertie and probably because he is tighter and not letting any trapped wind come up but it was very strange. I was telling one of the girls in work today, she is five months pregnant and said that is exactly what happens to her at night. She thinks it's to do with the stomach being restricted.

I will weight myself in the morning and post later. I'm hoping to see some results!!

O M G ! ! ! !

Hold on to your hats, Bertie is taking no prisoners!!

This is the fill that I think is going to get me losing weight consistently. I have spent the last few days feeling totally full with a lump in my throat. I've had to make myself eat as I know I need something in my stomach.

Today, all I've managed is two pots of fromage frais, one muller light yoghurt, some mashed potato with grated cheese and a chocolate pudding (eaten to try to get some calories in!).

I know it will settle down a bit after a day or so, but this one is different and I think it will keep me quite restricted for some time.

Still there is always the blessing of a nice cup of tea!! Bertie likes tea, he finds it soothing!

I had to buy some new (smaller) jeans today, I knew that the ones I bought in May were really too big - I couldn't wear them without a belt (which made them look all bunched up) and still had to keep hoicking them up but I discovered last night that I could get them on and off without undoing them and thought enough is enough!!

I am very pleased!!!

Filled!!

I've done it, I had my fill this morning and so far I'm doing okay!

It was great to see the nurse and have a chance to ask her lots of questions. She only gave me half a mil of fill which I think was probably plenty. I'm now on fluids for 24 hours and then onto soft foods for a few days. I am aware that it is tighter as I have a slight feeling of tightness in my chest. I'm pretty sure that I won't be able to eat much when I start again but that's what it's all about!

After the fill, my mum and I went shopping at the Mall. It was lovely to spend some quality time with my mum. I bought two new tops (well, my mum bought one for me!!) they were both size 16 which is progress.

Then I came home to find red roses waiting for me from my boyfriend. He's at work but I'm really looking forward to him coming home!

We're going to a friend's birthday tomorrow, don't think I will be able to eat anything but I'm sure I'll cope!

Whoosh!!!

That is the only word I can use to describe my life since the last post!!

I went back to work on Monday which was a bit of a shock to the system! Within a few hours I didn't feel as though I'd been away. I was hoping to ease myself back gently and only take on a few cases over the week but within 48 hours I was up to the same level of cases as everyone else. Mind you, to be honest, I prefer to be busy. The office politics are annoying but I'm just keeping to myself!!

They have appointed someone to the team leader position who I really like and get on very well with so I am delighted. She moves across a week on Monday and I can't wait.

I am very tired now though so glad to have the weekend to recover. Although, I can't laze about in the morning as I have to be in Bristol for my band fill at 11. My mum wants to come with me so I'm going to have to leave earlier and pick her up on the way. I am excited but a little bit apprehensive at the thought of my band fill. I will be really chuffed to see the weight shifting more quickly but a bit nervous about how that may impact on me.

I'll try to post tomorrow to let you know how I got on!

Where did the week go?

Well, it has been a very busy week!

I've had friends over on three days this week which has been lovely! Two of them hadn't seen the house before and loved it.

We also went car hunting on Wednesday. I have a car through the Motability leasing scheme and my current car goes back at the beginning of November so I have to order a new one three months in advance to ensure there are no gaps in the leasing. We had narrowed it down to a Passat or a BMW Three Series so went to test drive them both. The trouble was I preferred the Passat and my boyfriend preferred the BMW. So we ended up with a Volvo - not quite sure how that happened!! We both really liked it and it had the space of the Passat with the power of the BMW. It was so funny though because we turned up at the dealership at 4pm, we looked at the car and then the salesman offered us a test drive. He got us all settled in the car, which was brand new with a full tank of petrol and Sat Nav and then said I'll see you when you get back. He let us take this car on our own without asking for ID or even to see our driving licences!!

My parents got home from their holiday yesterday so we went to Heathrow to pick them up. It was so lovely to see them after such a long time. They are catching up on some sleep and will be coming over this afternoon to see the house.

I'm doomed!!!

I'm so disappointed ... I've had to postpone my band fill!

Over the weekend, I noticed that the scar which still had the stitch under the skin was sore and had a lump underneath it. I've been to the doctor this morning and I have an infection so he's put me on antibiotics.

When I got home and took one of the tablets I realised that they will never go down if I have my band filled as they are like horse tablets!!! So, reluctantly, I've moved the fill to Saturday 15th but I am disappointed!

So, no band fill and no alcohol to drown my sorrows!!

Ouch!!

I had an appointment with the practice healthcare assistant yesterday for an new patient assessment. She was absolutely lovely and we got on really well.

At the end of the appointment, I asked her to check my stitches as they had not dissolved as expected. Out of the three scars, I was concerned about two of them. She said she would get the practice nurse to come and look as well. The practice nurse took one look and said they won't dissolve. She was lovely as well and took me down to the treatment room to take them out straight away. She actually had to do all three scars as one of them still had the stitch under the skin - that one hurt like hell!!

Two of them looked a bit inflamed so she put iodine dressings on them - lets hope they heal up now!

Weight update

I had a nice surprise this morning, I stood on the scales and they confirm that I have now lost 2 and a half stone. It is slow but I am enjoying the results.

I am looking forward to getting the fill on Tuesday and seeing a bit of a spurt on the weight loss.

Decision made ...

...I've booked a fill! I have an appointment to see the nurse on Tuesday afternoon for my third fill. I hope I'm doing the right thing!!

I need to give the weight loss a kick start and I thought it would be good to do it while I was still off work so I can get used to it before I go back. I know I don't need much but I think a tweak would get me going again which is quite an exciting prospect.

I'll keep you posted, as ever!

Ah, the peace and quiet!

Oh, I could get used to this life! I am sitting in my lounge watching daytime telly being watched by the cows in the next door field!

I'm feeling lots better and almost a little guilty that I have another two weeks off work! My boyfriend was back in work this morning so I have the house to myself and possession of the remote control!!

My stitches don't appear to have disolved as expected and I have a bit of stitch sticking out. I have a new patient assessment on Thursday with the new doctors so I might mention it to the nurse.

Bertie is still being a bit unpredictable, one minute allowing me to eat loads, the next nothing! My weight is staying put which is a bit annoying but I'm going to see how it goes and then maybe get a fill. The concern is that some days I don't need a fill as Bertie is quite vicious and then others I feel I need one - I probably could do with a tiny fill to slow things down.

Come on now Bertie, be nice!

Well, I can't believe I haven't posted for a week! It has been a bit up and down, I keep thinking I am better and then I do something little like go out for a ride in the car (not even driving!) and I am exhausted!

It probably isn't helping that Bertie is being a bit of a devil at the moment and I am hardly able to eat anything. I feel like I have a lump on my chest all the time. Last night I tried to eat my dinner of chilli and rice and I managed about half a dozen forkfuls when I knew I was going to be sick. Fortunately, my boyfriend was quick to get me a bowl - oh the glamour! It was very frustrating as I hadn't eaten much all day. I put it in the fridge and was able to eat it a few hours later - weird! Today, it took me half an hour to eat a nectarine. I even struggled with a pot of fromage frais. I'm not sure if it is related to the op or not but I've been struggling a bit since then.

On the plus side, my boyfriend's cousin came to see us yesterday and sent him a text later to say she forgot to say to me that I'd lost loads of weight! That is four people who don't know about Bertie who have commented now - I feel great!

The house is shaping up, we've just had the hall, stairs and landing decorated and it looks lovely.

The multi-coloured abdomen!

I am developing some pretty impressive bruising on my tummy. I only noticed it today but they are big and very purple!

I spoke to my GP today, I was trying to make an appointment for Monday but the GP I wanted to see (who had originally referred me for the scan in January) wasn't available so he rang me at the end of surgery. I was concerned about going back to work and he assured me that I would not be ready yet (I kind of thought that but you always feel like you are somehow slacking!!), anyway he has signed me off for a further three weeks after this week. I was a bit shocked but I guess there was a lot going on behind the small incisions they made. I think it will do me good to rest up and recharge my batteries a bit as, aside from the op, I have had an extremely stressful year so far!

Feeling a bit low

I'm sure it is down to the anaesthetic but I am feeling a bit low today. I've got a sore throat which I thought was just to do with the tubes they use in the operation but it's getting worse so it may not be related to that.

I also made the mistake of looking up endometriosis on the internet and ended up scaring the life out of myself. I must keep positive and count my blessings - the girl in the bed next to me in hospital was only 30 and had just had one ovary removed in an emergency operation and they were waiting to see whether the other one was cancerous. In contrast, I am extremely lucky.

I'm sure it is all down to being tired and sore and I'll feel better tomorrow.

I've just looked at the posts I put up after my band op and I was feeling pretty similar at about the same time post-op so I think it is just me and the anaesthetic!

Glad that's over!

Well, I'm sitting up in bed at home, feeling very glad that's all over.

The operation went well, unfortunately I was last on the morning list so didn't go down until 12.30 but I was back on the ward at 3. I probably could have come home last night but they took my drip down in the recovery room and when I tried to drink it made me feel sick so I only took a few tiny sips to wet my mouth. Then my blood pressure dropped so they had to put the drip back in.

The operation has confirmed that I have endometriosis - the consultant said it was moderate to severe which shocked me! She also said there was evidence that I'd had a burst cyst which was probably what caused the pain the other week. The good news is that they have removed all the endometriosis and the associated adhesions to my fallopian tubes and uterus. My tubes are clear so they have said the best chance of us conceiving is in the next 3-4 months - guess we're going to be busy!!! I have to go back to outpatients in 3 months and if I am not pregnant by then, they will refer me for fertility treatment. So, it seems we are in with a chance - however small it may be at my/our age.

Bertie behaved himself throughout. If I'm honest, I was quite worried about having an anaesthetic with him in but it was all fine and now I am glad that I didn't have to have him deflated.

It is great to be home, it is weird because it's only been home for two weeks but it definitely feels like home!

It's official...

... I must be losing weight! Someone else, who doesn't know about Bertie, commented last night. It is so great when someone comments on my weight loss.

I am loving Bertie so much! I'm going to get him tightened in a few weeks and hopefully I will have another spurt of weight loss. I stood on my own scales this week. They confirm that I have lost 33lbs. I don't want to adjust my ticker backwards as I'm hoping that I will catch up with it in the next week or so when I go into hospital.

My op is on Monday (morning, I hope!), I'm keen to get it over with now and be able to move on without worrying about any further 'episodes'. I'll try to post tomorrow but we have a full on day planned, I'm not sure when I'll be able to post again after the op but I will post as soon as I can.

Happy times!

Well, we have been in the house a week now and I am feeling much more chilled and relaxed. Even the dog seems happier, I think she has been missing my parents as she used to spend all day with them. I expected her to be unsettled for a few weeks but she has settled in like she's always lived here!

We still have boxes and boxes to unpack but we have most of our everyday stuff to hand and we are starting to get into a routine. The house is just as lovely as I hoped it would be. It is so quiet and peaceful. I can't quite get over the wildlife we see - there have been rabbits in the garden every morning and we get a lot of squirrels, the dog is demented!!

Lots has been happening, I can't believe I go into hospital on Monday to have the cyst removed. It will be good to get it out. I had my pre-op assessment on Friday. I've now been told it is likely that I will be in overnight, unless I go down very early. I've also been told to expect to need a minimum of a couple of weeks off work - shame, I get to spend two weeks in my lovely home!

Work is interesting, my workload has reduced considerably. I am not taking anything new on this week as I'll only be passing it over on Friday. The temp is due to leave on 22nd July, she has been told she must take all her outstanding holiday before she goes. We have also been told that she will finish on 22nd whether they have appointed someone or not, if she is then successful she will return at a later date. So I don't think it looks all that good for her chances at the job but I suppose we'll have to wait and see.

I have finally unpacked my own weighing scales. I only found them this evening so I will have to wait until the morning to check where I am officially weightwise but it was good to find them! I have an idea where I am but it will feel real when I weigh on my own scales.

One of the girls at work came over to me yesterday morning when I was on my own to comment on how much weight I'd lost. She was so sweet because she was worried I would take offence but felt she had to comment. She said I was looking amazing - I felt 10 feet tall all day! She is the second person, who didn't know about Bertie, to notice - it feels great!!!

I've decided that as soon as I am back on my feet after the op, I will have a band adjustment. I'm ready to get things moving a bit quicker. I went shopping at the mall last night, it was great to be able to look at clothes in normal shops and realise that I could get into them! I just want them to be smaller sizes than they would be at the moment!

We're in!

Just a quick post to confirm that we finally moved in yesterday. I love the house every bit, if not more, than I did the first time I saw it.

It was lovely this morning to come down and see a rabbit in the garden - it confused the dog who had staggered out for her early morning wee and stood dumbfound as the rabbit flew across the garden into the next door field. The dog just stood there staring as if to say 'what the heck was that?!'

I feel very lucky, I'm sitting on my sofa looking out of the window at rolling hills - it really doesn't get better than this after a stressful day at work!

Happy Birthday Dear Bertie

I cannot believe that Bertie is a year old today - where did that time go?!!!

He is my saviour and I love him very much! I have lost 2 and a half stone since he was put in which is not a massive amount by many standards but I have felt a massive difference in my mobility and I feel great. I am wearing trousers with confidence which I never thought would happen!

He has changed how I eat and taken away the worry I've had in the past. I know now if I put on a pound or two, Bertie will sort it out. For the first time in my life, I feel that I can eat 'normally'. Yes, there are certain foods I struggle with but not many. I just find I cannot eat huge portions. I've lost weight without being on a 'diet' which is very liberating!

I am thrilled to bits with him and I look forward to more years of weight loss.

Here we go.....!!!

At last, after a shade over four months we are moving into our new house tomorrrow - I can hardly sit still, I am so excited!!

I am working tomorrow so I am going to pack up my stuff for the rest of the week so I can come home, collect the dog and my stuff and get over to the new house as soon as possible after work tomorrow.

Moral question????
Can I get a sense check from you guys? My boyfriend has been engaged before (15-20 years ago). His parents gave him a dinner service as an engagement present which he still has. I don't want him to bring it to the new house, he says he doesn't like it but he can't get rid of it as his parents paid a lot of money for it and when the engagement was called off his mother asked him to keep it. I'm upset because he doesn't understand why I think it is inappropriate for him to expect me to have it in the house. He says we'll only use it when his parents come but I want us to have something new for both of us. Am I being unreasonable?????

Anyway, I must get to bed, it is late and tomorrow is a big day!!

I will post when I can.

Michael Jackson

Whilst I have never had a lot of time for Michael Jackson in the recent years, I have to admit to being shocked and saddened to hear of his death last night.

He has always struck me as an extremely sad figure who was as much a victim as a perpetrator. When you look at his work in the 70s and 80s you cannot deny his immense talent. However, it appears to me that he was unable to deal with the pressures he experienced from such a young age and this manifested itself in his increasingly bizarre behaviour in the last 10-15 years. It was clear that his grasp on reality got weaker and weaker and he was unable to see and understand how he was being perceived.

I think the true tragedy in all this is how someone's life can be destroyed so totally.

I hope he now rests in peace.

Crazy 24 hours!

Well, I'm sitting at home feeling rather tender after having another episode with my cyst. This was an extremely bad episode which ended up with me being admitted to hospital over night.

It all happened so quickly it was unbelieveable. I had a friend round for coffee earlier in the evening, she left at about 8.30 and I started to feel a bit uncomfortable and then felt clammy and sick and it quickly developed into an extremely painful episode. I phoned my boyfriend who was at home - 40 miles away! At first I said I would see how it went and then I rang him again 10 minutes later and he said he was on his way over. In the meantime, I called the out of hours GP. I had to wait for them to call me back. I was feeling very frightened and knew it would take my boyfriend 45 minutes to get here so I called some very close friends of the family who live 15 minutes away and have a key so they came over. The out of hours GP said they wanted me to come into the walk-in centre. By this time my boyfriend had arrived and he drove me to the walk in centre following our friends who knew the way - I have to mention here how I now hate speed bumps with a passion, every one of them caused me further agony! The doctor at the walk-in centre referred me straight to the hospital as she was concerned that the cyst had ruptured or twisted. By the time I got to the ward the worst of it was over but I was still feeling very sore. I didn't sleep a wink all night as it was so noisy. This morning they did another scan which showed the cyst was still intact so there was no need to bring my operation forward.

I feel much better but rather shell-shocked and still a bit tender. This was the worst episode I have had with the cyst so I am really glad that the operation is only two weeks away!

Ups and downs!!

Well, it has been an interesting few days!

The interview went okay, they weren't too hard on me, but my presentation overran (seriously!!) and I know some of my answers weren't great. It was no surprise to be told today that I didn't get it - to be totally honest my first emotion was relief as I think the job was going to be a nightmare (the reason I didn't apply for it in the first place)!

I would be absolutely fine with that if it wasn't for the fact that the temp has been told she hasn't been ruled out of the running although they have decided to 'benchmark' her against external candidates, ie they are going to interview other people before they decide! The feeling on the team is that they are stringing her on until her contract runs out in three weeks as she has been saying how she finishes this Tuesday and they hadn't issued her with written notice so they would have to pay it in lieu. The feeling is they want to make sure she continues to work while they are paying her. Oddly enough, she was verbally issued with notice last week and handed it in writing today during her outcome meeting. It makes no sense whatsoever, this woman is seriously bad - she hasn't got a clue!! I can cope with not getting the job but to be told she is the better candidate is an almighty kick in the teeth - I wish they'd just left me alone, I didn't want the damn job in the first place! My dilemma is what I do if she does get it, I honestly don't think I can work with her!

Anyway, it is not all bad news, we have a moving in date!!! We are moving in a week today on 1st July. The sale on my boyfriend's house completes on 3rd. I am so excited! At least now I can enjoy my new home and not have to worry about charging about the country for the foreseeable future.

Also, I think the last few days have been good for weight loss - I can hardly eat a thing and I've been running to the loo every five minutes!!

Why am I putting myself through this?!!

I've had a lovely weekend.

We got to Exeter at about 2.30, the hotel was lovely. I did a bit of work on my presentation and then we went downstairs for a coffee and a cake. While we were there, some of the others arrived and we ended up drinking in the bar and catching up on the last five years - it was lovely! We had a great meal with everyone and then I walked back to the hotel - it was quite a distance for me but I did it without too much discomfort, which is a BIG step forward for me.

Today, we got up late as the blackout blinds were a bit too effective! We drove to Scorriton which is where some friends of my boyfriend have bought a pub. It was great to see them as we haven't seen them for almost two years. We stopped for lunch which was delicious and then we left to come home at about 2pm.

When I got home I looked at my presentation again and am now in a major panic that I've got it all wrong and they are going to think I am completely inept! I have two versions of my presentation, one a shorter version of the other with an extra slide. My stomach is turning somersaults. I don't really want the damn job if I'm honest so why am I putting myself through this?

I just have to grit my teeth and get on with it - hope I don't make a total idiot of myself and that they decide not to appoint either of us!! Mind you, then I will be cheesed off that I am not good enough!!

I just want to run away........!!!!!!!!!!!!

Busy Bee!!

Well, despite taking today as a flex day, this is the first chance I've had to blog!

I have been working hard all day on my presentation and also having my hair coloured. Of course there is also the abundance of time I have wasted playing Bejewelled Blitz on Facebook - OMG that game is seriously addictive!

My interview is on Monday. The presentation is all but done, I just need to put the finishing touches to it. We are away tomorrow night in Exeter so I have printed it off to take with me so I can make notes. I just hope I'm barking up the right tree, otherwise I've wasted a day's flex!

I am really looking forward to tomorrow, we are meeting up with some people I used to work with a few years ago. Some of them, I haven't seen for four or five years. We are also staying in a nice hotel.

I don't think I have given you a health update recently. I am booked in to have my cyst removed on 13th July. There was much tooing and froing about whether my band needed to be emptied. The nurse at the Obesity Service said it was up to the anaethetist and he said it was up to them!! Eventually, I had a long discussion with the anaethetist and he said it was not really an issue and he was happy for it to remain inflated. The only risk is of vomiting and that is quite low. I'm quite glad really as Bertie seems to be doing his stuff at the moment - I seem to have had quite a big loss in the last week or so, but it is hard to judge on my parents scales as they are not digital and they weigh me lighter than my own anyway so I have to adjust the figure! I really can't wait to be in our new house, for lots of reasons including having my own scales to weigh on!

The house is looking good, we have got the new staircase in - WHOHOO!! I haven't seen it completed yet but it was looking great last night when it was only half done. My boyfriend was pleased with it and he tends to keep things low-key so it must be good!

Have a good weekend!

Happy Birthday Dear Blog!!!

Never mind a week going by in the blink of an eye, it is a year today since I started this blog - how the hell did that happen!!

It is great to have a record of my journey over the last year, I enjoy reading back to how I was feeling a few months ago.

Thank you to all of you who read my blog - I'm so sorry it has got a bit sparse lately, I promise I will post more frequently once we move in and things settle down into a proper routine.

Thank you especially to those of you who submit comments to my posts - I love getting your feedback, suggestions and ideas so please feel free to comment away!

Here's to the next year!!

Another week romps by!

Well, I've blinked and another week has gone by - I just don't know where the time is going at the moment.

The house is looking good - the carpet is perfect, I am absolutely thrilled with it. When I got to see it on Friday, my boyfriend had (without telling me) got his mate to come over and they had moved all the furniture in so it looked amazing - I just can't wait to move in.

I had a fantastic time with his mum shopping on Saturday. We got to the mall just after 10 and didn't leave until gone 3 - the time just flew by! I've ordered the curtains but the material is out of stock so there is going to be a slight delay.

The stairs are going in Thursday/Friday, they were supposed to start tomorrow but there is a slight delay.

We are away this weekend otherwise I think we would have moved in but it is imminent now.

Work is busy, my interview for the team leader role is next Monday with the Head of HR and Director of Employee Relations - no pressure there then!! I have to do a presentation with a question and answer session for 30 minutes and then a 60 minute competency based interview. The other permanent member of staff has withdrawn due to her pregnancy so it appears to be between me and the temp. I think she has dealt herself a fatal blow as she had to do an update with the Head of HR yesterday and I don't think she prepared properly (a huge mistake with this woman!), she must have got a roasting as she came out looking on the absolute verge of tears. I almost felt sorry for her but she is really bad at not preparing for meetings/phone calls. She was off today to attend an interview with another company. I feel quite ambivalent about it, I feel as though I had to apply for the role or risk being overlooked in the future. I am anxious about how the role will develop so I almost hope they don't appoint either of us and go external - mind you they have just declared a recruitment freeze which would make that virtually impossible!

I have to work on the presentation over the next few evenings as we are away for Saturday night - meeting up with some work colleagues for a reunion, haven't seen some of them in four years, should be fun!

My poor mum is finding it hard being so far away, I had a phone call tonight at 6pm (that is 1am their time!!) to find out how the interview went - bless her! Originally, we were told it would be today or tomorrow.

Bertie is being a bit of a bugger, I am struggling to eat much, it must be the stress. Let's hope that equals weight loss!

Life is good!!

Well, lots has happened since I last posted!

Our bedroom has now been decorated and the carpet is being laid tomorrow - WHOHOO!! This means that, theoretically, we could move in! The new staircase is being fitted next week - starting on Wednesday. So I think we will wait until that is in before we move in but I can feel that we are almost there! I am going curtain shopping with my boyfriend's mother on Saturday which will be great - she really knows her stuff.

Work has been full on. I've been in training all week for the new role that we are moving across to as of 1st of July - this is all tied into the restructure that happened at the beginning of the year. I believe the interviews for the promotion will be held next Tuesday or Wednesday. Interestingly, the other permanent member of staff - who I think would do an excellent job - has just announced that she is pregnant and is going to withdraw as she wants to concentrate on other things in the coming months - I don't blame her! So it appears that it is between me and the temp. I've had a lot of positive encouragement from the other team members (who aren't based in Bristol so I don't see very often) - they would be reporting in to me if I got the job.

I had a lovely moment today, one of the team members from Lytham (who had just told me she hoped I got the job!) turned to me as we were waiting in the coffee queue and said 'So, how much weight have you lost?' I nearly kissed her! I don't see her very often - last time was about 6 months ago - so she really noticed but she is the first person who didn't know anything about Bertie to mention it to me so I know for sure now that it is really showing - Bertie rocks!!

It is such a good feeling - I know my weight loss is slow but I am really feeling the benefit. I can walk a lot more comfortably, I don't get so much back ache and I am wearing trousers again in public without feeling like the Michelin man - I am so glad I had this done!

It's all about perception!!

I just had to share this with you! I went out for a meal last night with my boyfriend and another couple. We went to a lovely Thai restaurant in Cardiff and had two set meals for two. The food was amazing and we were able to have a little bit of everything. Now, I felt I'd absolutely pigged out but on the way home my boyfriend said, I don't think either of them noticed that you hardly ate anything!

It just goes to show how my perception has changed, what I now think is pigging out is not so by other people's standards!

I've been off this week and we have done loads for the house - picking paint, ordering carpet etc, etc. I can see the end (or rather the first post - we have a long way to go before we've completely finished!!) in sight. I reckon we will be in within the next two weeks - as soon as the bedroom carpet is down, we'll be in!!!

It cannot possibly be June!!!

Where is this year going?!! I can't believe Bertie band is almost a year old (next month) and that this blog is a year old this month, time has just flown by!

The house is so close to being habitable, it is looking lovely. The bathroom is finished apart from the flooring and toilet - they should be done this week. The lounge and bedroom are looking good!

I have this week off work to get some housey things done and hopefully we will be able to move in before the end of this month.

We had a lovely day yesterday, we took my parents to Heathrow as they (as I type) are on their way to visit my brother in Australia. We stopped for lunch in a place called Speen near Newbury. If you are ever that way and want a good meal in a friendly place, try the Horse and Hounds. We sat outside with the dog and they couldn't have been nicer to us and her! The food was fantastic. We had plenty of time so we went to Twickenham (where I went to college) for a look around - my how it's changed (mind you I graduated in 1989, so I guess it would have!!). We then sat on Richmond Green for half an hour, it was packed but so lovely seeing everyone enjoying the nice weather.

Have noticed that my watch (which is on a fixed bracelet strap) is very loose on me now, it spins around and flops down by my hand - I love it!!!!

We're getting there ...

I know, I sound like an advert for British Rail!

The house has come on in leaps and bounds! The bathroom is all but done, we are just waiting for the flooring to arrive. The fitter will then come back, fit the flooring and then fit the toilet and it is all done!

The carpenter has arrived and started hanging doors and fitting skirting and architrave to our bedroom so it is looking more finished.

The decorator has painted the lounge and the second bedroom so they look great.

All in all, it is shaping up very nicely. I am very hopeful that we will be in within the next 2-3 weeks - yikes!!

The weight is doing okay, I lost another pound, I seem to be having days where either I can eat quite a bit or I can hardly eat anything - I guess it all evens out in the end! I am also wearing my first pair of jeans in about 5 years! They are a size 20 and they are massive around the waist but they fit nice and loosely on my legs which means they are very comfortable. They are not quite the size 12 ones I want to be in but they are a start and I feel great in them!

Decision made ...

After a sleepless night and lots of thinking (and talking it through with my boyfriend), I decided to have a conversation with the manager to whom the role would be reporting. I've always found him to be a bit intimidating and, since he is based in Ipswich, the conversation was over the phone which I always find a bit difficult. The last time we had a conversation he was telling me about how my current role would be changing and although he was pleasant enough, he did give the message that they would root out anyone not performing to standard which I found a bit scary! He was very pleasant when we spoke this time and put my mind at ease over the concerns I had about the role. He did tell me not to read anything into the conversations I'd had with him and the recruitment manager - I reassured him that I didn't, but in my mind it is a little hard not to!!!

I suppose I have to remember that they just want the best pool of candidates to choose from. I'm pretty confident that the temp is not a contender which leaves myself and the other girl who has been on secondment for the last year (hence the temp covering her work!). She is a strong candidate so I can't take anything for granted. At least now I know I am seen as a contender and they know that I am interested in progression.

Fingers crossed for me - please!!

Quandry!

I know, posts are like buses you wait ages for one then two come along at once!!

I thought I would post this separately as it is nothing to do with the house.

I am in a bit of a dilemma. As you will have read, there has been a lot of upheaval at work with my boss being ousted and the temp being put in as an interim team leader. The vacancy was advertised last week and the closing date was Monday. I decided not to apply as I believed there were other candidates who would have better experience than me.

Well, I popped to the shop to get a packet of crisps this afternoon (what can I say, they are band friendly!!) and got ambushed by the recruitment team manager. He pulled me into a meeting room and asked me why I hadn't applied! To cut a long story short, he has said that although the vacancy has closed, they would still accept an application from me. He has asked me to give it some consideration and to speak to the person the role reports into tomorrow. I agreed to think about it tonight and speak to him tomorrow.

My boyfriend has said he would support me if I decide to go for it. I've spoken to my old boss who thinks I am probably the preferred candidate and that I should go for it. I almost feel I have to otherwise they will think I don't have any ambition. Either way, it is nice that they see me as a true contender, if I am honest I felt that wasn't the case when they asked the temp to cover instead of me.

What to do....?!!

Problems, problems!!

I know, this is a very long overdue post. I can't promise that it will be everything it should be but I'll try to cover the issues from the past few weeks!! As promised, here is the background on the main causes of our stress:

The tile problem - we decided that we would like to consider alternative borders for the bathroom as we weren't sure that we had picked the best option so we took one of our bathroom tiles to a showroom to compare. As we were doing this, my boyfriend noticed that the pattern on the tile was slightly out of focus and was making his eyes go a bit funny. This got worse as the day went on and ended up giving him a migraine. At one point it looked like we were going to have to ditch the tiles we had bought (costing us £350) and start again. Eventually, my boyfriend decided that it was down to him being over tired and so more sensitive to the pattern, so we are sticking with them - phew!!

The handbasin problem - the hand basin was fitted in the en-suite but there was a fault in it and the taps would not sit straight, also the pedestal was off centre so looked a bit odd. When we returned it, they conceded that there was a fault causing the taps to look off centre but advised that the pedestal was not designed to go with that basin. We ended up ordering the next size up which fits the pedestal and the taps are sitting correctly - result!!

The bathroom fitter problem - our bathroom fitter is a nice guy but he is soooo slow!! He is also very expensive!! We agreed a price at the beginning of the work which, in my opinon, was over the odds. However, I think he thinks we have money to throw away as he started to say it was going to be more for odd things that had to be redone. It all came to a head last week when we had to stand our ground and point out that he was being paid very good money to do the job and we expected there to be a contingency in that to cover unexpected hitches (ie having to refit the basin due to the fault). As it happened, it all smoothed over and is fine but that was stressful!

The floorboard problem - our plumber caused stress last week by sulking at being asked to put back the floorboards he had taken up!! It ended up with my boyfriend putting a lot of them back just to keep the peace!

Anyway, we are through most of worst of it now. It is lovely to have hot water and a flushing toilet - you don't appreciate these things until you don't have them!

All the best laid plans...

Well, despite my good intentions last week, I wasn't able to blog as I'd hoped. Things have been extremely stressful with the house! We have got over it now but at one point it looked like we were going to part company with the bathroom fitter. All sorted now but it was pretty horrible at the time.

The good news is that we finally have [drum roll] heating, hot water and a working toilet - HURRAH!!!! The en-suite is finished so we have a working shower and wash basin as well.

As you can see, it is late and much as I feel I need to do a full blog, I'm just too tired. If I tried, I think it would be only half a story and it probably wouldn't make much sense! I will try to blog again tomorrow and catch up on all the news from the last two weeks!

Stress!!

It is extremely late so this will be a v short blog - I just wanted you to know I'm alive and well!! The house has been quite stressful this past week and I haven't been about much to post.

I will do a proper post later today, when I will tell you all about the tile problem, the handbasin problem, the plumber problem, the floorboard problem .... do you get the idea?!!!! That isn't to mention the problems at work!! Actually work isn't too bad at the moment, if the person acting up as team manager would stop patronising me!

All good fun!!

D-Day - or rather G-Day!!

I am absolutely exhausted but thrilled as the gas connection has gone quite smoothly - so far!! My boyfriend kept worrying that they would not be able to lay the pipe where they planned and would not proceed but there were no issues at all and the pipe has been laid from the house to the boundary wall. They will connect it to the supply tomorrow. It is so clever, they have a machine that moles under the ground so there are only a few holes rather than a full trench.

It has been a full on day as we had the plasterer in doing various bits, the gas men and the bathroom fitter (who I feel has actually moved in now!!). It is really moving forward. Tomorrow we have everyone back again plus we have the plumber coming back to finish his work so it's going to be even busier - I'm going back to work for a rest!!

I can't stop smling - it is coming on in leaps and bounds now!!

Lovely weekend!

Sorry if my post yesterday seemed a little odd - I was sitting in the same room as my boyfriend and was feeling brave so thought I'd sneak a quick post in but then he started asking what I was typing and I panicked!!

It has been a lovely, long weekend and I really don't want to go back to work tomorrow - at least our new leader is off tomorrow so I don't have to bother with her! I'm off on Wednesday so I won't see her until Thursday and then she is off on Friday - life is good!!

We had a long lie-in this morning, which was fab. My boyfriend is working nights this week so wanted to get an extra bit of rest. We then went to the house at lunchtime and his cousin came over with her husband and baby. The baby is now four months old and so gorgeous, he was smiling and giggling.

The house is coming along, the gas is connected on Wednesday (hence my day off!) and I am very excited about that as it is a major step forward!

I had an unusual victory this week, I discovered that I can cross my legs again! I haven't been able to do that for a very long time as my thighs were too big! I also found a little jacket that I haven't worn for ages because it was too small, it now fits (just!) and I feel great in it! So, all looking good!

Feeling better!

I'm getting over the shock of the events of last week - partly helped by having Friday off work to do housey stuff! I was planning to try to get some of my coursework done but I didn't get a moments peace!

My mum was unexpectedly free so she said she would come over as she hadn't seen the house for quite a while. Then my boyfriend's parents called to ask if I would like some company. When I said that would be lovely, they asked if they could bring my boyfriend's uncle over as he would love to see the house. So I ended up with a house full!! It was lovely, actually - just what a house should be, shame about the dust and mess!

I am so pleased with the work the bathroom fitter has done in the en-suite. The tiles look amazing!

I'm feeling very happy with my changing shape. I wore trousers on Friday and a few people commented on the difference they could see - sadly they all know about the band!

It just gets worse!!!!!!!

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse .... they do!

The powers that be at work managed to handle the departure of my manager in just about the worst way possible. She had to come in and tell the team herself and her manager was unavailable in a meeting all day so he did not contact us. All we got was a brief email confirming her departure and announcing that the interim person who was the same grade as me and had just left the team would be coming back to cover the team leader role until they appoint a permanent replacement. Their rationale for this is that they did not want to give an unfair advantage to a permanent member of staff who may apply - I'm pretty sure I don't want the poisoned chalice but the point is they appear to have overlooked me. I wouldn't mind so much but this person is a nightmare! I spent a good deal of time clearing up her mistakes on cases while she was on the team previously! What is worse is that she has been queening it about all morning. She then asked me to stay behind after we had a team brief to tell me she is worried about me (because I am using my crutches), she nearly ended up with one wrapped round her head!

What is so funny about all this is that I work in HR - you would think the Head of HR would know how to handle something like this properly!

Busy, Busy!!!

I'm so sorry, another long gap between posting. Life is extremely hectic at the moment on all fronts and I seem to be just getting up, going to work, eating and sleeping.

The last few days have been exhausting both physically and emotionally.

I went to London on the weekend with my friend which was fantastic. It was so lovely to just get away from everything and have a good old natter. We went to see Grease which was really good - I am usually disappointed by shows which are based on iconic films but this worked, although I felt the ending was a bit rushed. I suppose it is a sign of the times but in the five years we've been doing this, it was the first time we saw empty seats in the audience which is a shame as the show was very good.

My boyfriend earned about six million brownie points over the weekend. My parents were away from Friday so he came over on Friday night specifically so he could drop me to the station on Saturday morning - he even missed curry with the lads! I was going to get the train home to Newport which would have been easier for him to pick me up but they weren't running so he came all the way back from Cardiff to pick me up - bless him!! On top of that he had looked after my dog all day as well.

On Sunday we went to get the tiles for the en-suite. The bathroom fitter was starting yesterday so we absolutely had to get them. Fortunately, we found the perfect tile and everything is going according to plan (so far!).

Yesterday was quite traumatic. Work has been quite stressful and there has been a lot going on in terms of restructure as I have previously said. I work in, what I can only describe as, a bitchy office. I've been there a year (exactly to the day, today!) and I've never worked in such a political, backstabbing environment. My manager has, in my opinion, done a good job in difficult circumstances and often in the face of some extremely disruptive behaviour. However, it appears that she has upset someone high because she was called into a 'meeting' yesterday where she was told they want to compromise her out. This basically means that they pay her money and she goes, signing away her right to take them to a tribunal. It is a legal process used when they want to get rid of someone but they know they have no proper grounds to do it safely. To be honest, she was already applying for other jobs and this way she is getting a rather nice pot of money to go but I am soooooo angry that the company can do this to her when they have given her absolutely no support in dealing with what they know is a difficult team. If it wasn't for the fact that I'm trying to get pregnant I would be actively looking for another job myself because come the move I'm going to be travelling 24 miles each way for a company that could just throw me aside if my face no longer fits. I think I am so angry because I know exactly who has done this and I think the decison was grossly unfair.

I'm not supposed to know about the compromise agreement so today was quite fraught as she was not in and we were just told she was off for personal reasons. She is back in tomorrow when she has to tell the team she is being made redundant - should be interesting!

I have my date for my pre-op assessment - that was extremely quick! It is on 3rd July so I think my op must be on the 13th.

I've no idea where my weight is, I know it has gone down but I can't keep track at the moment!! Last check it was down another two so I've updated my tracker - this may get readjusted when I finally get to stand on my own scales, probably in about 2020!!!

How did it get to Thursday already?!!

Well, this week has just flashed past! I've been very busy (for a change!) and am now feeling very tired but it doesn't look like it is going to let up for a bit!

Work is okay, I wasn't well on Tuesday - same old problem with my lower abdomen. It was extremely fortunate that I had my appointment with the Gynaecologist in the afternoon. She was absolutely lovely. She doesn't think I have got endometriosis or if I have it is a very mild case - just as well, some of the symptoms she described were horrific. However, there is a cyst on my ovary and she has recommended a laparoscopy to have a look and try to take it away.

We also talked about us trying for a baby. She didn't fall off her chair laughing at us, which was a bonus!! She said there are women older than me (43) getting pregnant and although she could not promise it would happen there were things that could be done to help. So, when I have the laparoscopy she is going to check my tubes are not blocked at the same time. I'll be going in for this before the 21st July so that is great! She also examined me and found a cervical polyp which she removed, she said that it could have had an impact on my chances of conceiving. My poor boyfriend was so good, he has agreed to have the necessary tests as well - he wasn't expecting to have to answer questions about himself! I said to her that I didn't want to get too emotionally caught up in trying as that can make it difficult if it doesn't happen and she said - 'yes but you don't want to look back later and think you should have done more' - which is exactly what I was feeling.

I just have to find out what I need to do in terms of Bertie before the op - he'll have to be loosened I'm sure. I'm feeling much more positive about our chances of having a baby - so fingers crossed for us!

Our bathroom arrived yesterday - hurrah!! But they got the wrong shower tray - boo!! It was so nice to finally have the bathroom on site. The fitter came around and we put the furniture, shower tray and bath in place so that we could experiment with the layout. We now have a much better arrangement and he is going to start on Monday. We just need to get the tiles for the en-suite on the weekend and the correct shower tray which should arrive on Monday. It is so exciting!!

I'm off to London on Saturday with my friend. We're seeing a show, I'm not sure which one as she has arranged it and it is a surprise until we get on the train - it's a ritual we follow! I'm really looking forward to it, as I haven't seen her for ages and we have a lot of catching up to do!

My weight is looking good at the moment - nothing official but I think I've lost a few more pounds!

Feeling better ...

I'm feeling a bit better, thanks to a Boot's ankle support and using my much loathed crutches! Both feet are still feeling a bit delicate but I'm coping and if I can avoid either or both feet going into plaster then I feel that's a victory!

The house is coming along, we bought our bathroom tiles today - not without a drama!! We went to a great place in Chepstow. We chose our tiles and got them in the back of my car. Despite me driving VERY carefully home, one box got displaced and when my boyfriend opened the back of the car it fell out onto the concrete with a gut-wrenching crunch! Fortunately, we have got a spare 1/2 square metre and we just cracked a few on the edges so hopefully we should be okay but it sounded awful when they fell.

My boyfriend has been an absolute sweetie this weekend. He has stripped the lounge in the new house, without telling me. It looks great, we'll have to get the plasterer in asap and then we can decorate. I can't wait until we can move in together - it is driving me mad, having to leave each other on a Sunday night.

Bertie is being hideous at the moment but I can't understand ... I stuggled to get my roast dinner down but my pudding went down a treat - how does that work?!!

What else is going to come my way?!!

I'm sitting on my bed feeling very sorry for myself!!

As I have mentioned before, I have a condition which affects my legs and feet. It is pretty stable and usually I get on with things without many issues but there is one problem that recurs every now and then. Due to my feet being curved and misshapen, I don't have a flat walking surface so the weight is not evenly distributed, this causes me to have stress fractures in my feet which can happen as frequently as every six months or I can go a few years. It always tends to be my left foot and the last one I had was in the summer of 2006 so I've been doing quite well. I've had the familiar twinges in my left foot for a few weeks now but it has held off and seemed to settle down only for my right foot to start hurting. It started over the weekend and has gradually got worse until I was limping around work today and I have even resorted to getting my dad to dig my crutches out from the shed - a sure sign that I'm suffering as I hate them with a vengance and will only use them as a very last resort!! I'm worrying a bit as both feet are feeling fragile and I'm not sure I could cope with both of them having to go in plaster - I think that might be a bit precarious!! It's a shame but I have to go into work tomorrow as it is only me and another consultant covering and I couldn't leave her on her own - otherwise I think I would stay at home and rest it - let's hope it settles down over the weekend.

On a positive note, I went birthday present shopping for my niece last night at the mall. I decided I wanted to send her over a skirt so I was looking in all the trendy shops that I haven't set foot in since I was a student and wearing a size 14. I know they have got a lot better at stocking bigger sizes but looking at some of the clothes I felt I wasn't too far off getting in them. I managed to get her a fab skirt in NEXT which I know she is going to love.

Bertie is making his presence felt - I think it is all this stress, honestly, I should be like a beanpole by now!

You'd think I'd know by now....

Honestly, how long have I had this band now?????? I make it nine months so you'd think I'd know better but no .... I have to push it to the limit and end up throwing up outside my new house!

Actually, it was more a bit of a slime incident and, strictly speaking, it wasn't entirely my fault but I really should have known better!! It happened on Monday, we were busy on the house. We'd been shopping and my boyfriend went into the supermarket to get something for lunch. Bless him, he was repeating the mantra - no bread - I tend to go for wraps which aren't so doughy but he came out with ... cornish pasties! My face must have dropped when I saw them as I know these are the sorts of things that just won't go down anymore. Anyway, we got on with some more work and a bit later I felt hungry so I thought I'd give it a go. I gingerly nibbled on the edge (avoiding the plaited bit down the top), the first few bits went down fine so I thought 'game on' it's going down. Oh no, about four bites went down but promptly got stuck and then I got the iron fist and then a few carrots came back up!!

You have to feel sorry for my poor parents!! They have been fully involved with all the hassle I've had with my house move and they are off to Australia on 1st June to visit my brother for two months for a nice break. Then my brother called today to announce that they've bought a new house, have sold theirs and are due to move just before or just after my parents arrive!!!! My poor parents are going to get caught up in it no matter what!

Back to work later this morning - deep joy!!

Mixed feelings!

I've had a bit of a good/bad few days!

Work has been good, things have improved with the horrible case I was dealing with. Particularly since the person who had made all the fuss and caused me so much stress has been proven to be trying to cover her own bad behaviour. Basically, the case is related to inappropriate emails and we were disciplining three people for sending potentially offensive emails to external accounts. One of the line managers of these people threw a massive hissy fit when the disciplinary invites were issued but it's come to light during the hearings that she had been sending similar emails to them - hehehe! Not quite sure where that will go but I feel totally vindicated!!

The bad bit is that we've been at the house today. The electricians have been in, chasing out the walls to fit the cables. I could not believe it when I walked in to find they had done all the hacking out of the walls without using any dust sheets which they led me to believe would be used. All my furniture was covered in dust. I cannot believe anyone would be so disrespectful to someone elses belongings. My sofa was covered, my dining furniture was covered, I even had some coats on the sofa which were grey, everything including my TV and hifi speakers were covered - it was a total mess. We spent ages dusting and cleaning. I was crying my eyes out at the state of my furniture - believe me I am not house proud by any stretch but this was unbelieveable. We were half expecting the electrician to turn up as he has a little bit of finishing off to do. Fortunately, he didn't show as I think I would have had to walk out or risk screaming at him.

We are getting the gas connected on 6th May - yay!! Perhaps we can be in by the end of May!!

I've decided to update my ticker as, although I haven't weighed on my own scales, my boyfriends clearly show I've lost a further 2lbs and I want to recorded it! I am starting to seriously think about having a fill now, mum is a bit concerned but I want to give things a boost.

Having the week from hell!!

Just a quick note to explain my lack of updates - I'm having the week from hell at work! The big case that I've been dealing with blew up with a vengance on Monday and I was on the receiving end of a classic case of 'blame storming'!! I have made my position very clear but I hate being in situations where people have stuffed up and then lie like hell to cover their ass! Oops, evidently I am still angry!!

The good news is, my finger is tonnes better. The bruising is still quite dramatic but the swelling has gone down and I can bend it quite easily now. In fact, I can clench my fist - quite handy at the moment!! I am joking - I'm not a violent person ... usually!

Anyway, all this stress has helped me decide to take a flex day on Tuesday to make my long weekend even longer - bliss!!

Rested ... and a victory!!!

Just a quick post before I turn the light out!

I've had a very rested weekend! My boyfriend came over to collect me yesterday so I haven't done any driving all weekend. I drive on hand controls so I didn't want to risk putting any more pressure on my already injured finger. I will have to drive to work tomorrow so I'm hoping it will be okay. I can do most things so I'm confident that it shouldn't be a problem. We spent last night with his parents having a take away which was lovely. Then today we went to the new house and did a bit of clearing. Some of my friends came to visit and I think they were blown away by the house. We then went to the gliding club where my boyfriend is a member - it was such a lovely afternoon and we sat out watching the gliders taking off and landing. I can definitely see what he enjoys about it.

My victory is that I bought a new skirt on the weekend and it is a size 16. I can't remember if I posted about this but I bought the same skirt in an 18 a few weeks ago and realised it was too big so took it back and ordered the 16. When I looked at the 16 I didn't think it would fit yet but it does and I might even wear it to work tomorrow. I'm so chuffed. When I started this journey, I was struggling to get into a size 20. I know I'm not a true 16 yet but this is a start and I can't stop smiling!!

PS - my finger still hurts like hell - is that normal?!!