Just thought ....

... I might be a bit elusive over the next few days!

My boyfriend is coming over later and I'm not sure whether he will go home tomorrow or Monday morning (it will depend on what shift he is on).

If he goes home tomorrow I should get a chance to get online and post tomorrow night. If not, I am off to Ipswich with work on Monday and won't get home until late on Wednesday night so I doubt I will get a chance to post until Thursday - so please don't think I've run away!!!

I'm looking forward to my trip to Ipswich as I haven't been there before - shame I will be in the office for most of the time!

Mixed feelings

I haven't posted for a few days because I've been feeling a bit down.

I'm not sure why really, I think it is a combination of being very tired and having lots going on at work. In addition to that, I'm not feeling so much restriction with the band and so have managed to eat quite a bit. I'm a bit disappointed in that because it is only two weeks since I had the fill and I expected to get quite a few weeks restriction from it.

I'm not sure whether I am just picking food that I know will go down easily or whether it is down to the band. When I had the fill, the nurse said it might not give me as much restriction as I would like so maybe that is why it seems to have reduced. My weight went up slightly over the last few days but is back down again now - that gets me down and I know it is my own fault for getting on the scales but at the moment I just can't seem to help myself. You can tell me till I'm blue in the face that it is about changing my attitude to food and I know that is what this battle is about but in reality I want to see results on the scales too!!!

I'll give it a couple of weeks but if I'm still not happy I will arrange for another fill. I'm beginning to feel that this is quite an emotional rollercoaster!

I'm loving it!

Another two pounds off - I can't believe that the weight is coming off!

I'm eating food I enjoy and not feeling deprived at all!!

All back to normal!

After all my drama on Friday night, I am back to normal and fighting fit again!

My tummy was still a little upset on Saturday morning but that soon cleared up and I felt fine. I went out for an hour with my mum and we had some lunch. We shared a panini which was plenty to keep me satisfied without feeling too full. Later I travelled over to my boyfriend's house and we went to dinner at some friend's of his which was really nice. Fortunately, they did spag bol followed by trifle which went down a treat!!

On Sunday, I had a rasher of bacon in a bread roll and only just got it down! I then went to see some friends who were having a BBQ. I didn't really want much and in the end just had a sausage with a spoonful of coleslaw and a spoonful of pasta salad which was plenty. My friend had made some lovely puddings so I just had a smidgen of each to taste them! All I drank all day was tea - I am feeling my age!!! Mind you, that made up for the gallons of wine I drank the night before!

When I got back to my boyfriends (he'd been out with some of his friends separately!) I wasn't very hungry but he ordered a chinese takeaway. Normally, I would have ordered something too but I knew I wouldn't be able to eat it so I just had a few spoonfuls of his which was plenty - although he does like his food more spicy than I do!!!

Today, I woke up very eary and could feel that my band was tight so when I did get up I didn't have breakfast straight away. I had a nice cup of tea to try to loosen things up. I then had some weetabix. Other than that, all I've had is some Ritz crackers and homous and I don't feel hungry.

I'm beginning to realise that the band seems to even things out. If I have a day when I can eat more, the following day I don't need so much. I think I was able to eat quite a bit on Saturday because I didn't eat much on Thursday or Friday.

Feeling better!

Well, I'm feeling better this morning but last night was a bit of a worry.

I was sick again after posting my last message. I was getting really worried as this was after taking the anti-sickness medication. I phoned NHS Direct and a nurse called me back. We went through lots of questions. She wasn't concerned about the vomiting as such but understood my concern about the band (excessive or violent vomiting can cause the band to slip out of place). She said that the medication should kick in but if not and I am sick again I should call my out of hours doctor and get their advice. She felt that my band should be okay from what I had told her.

I managed to get a reasonably good night's sleep and I feel lots better this morning.

I've managed to eat a cereal bar and drink a glass of milk and they've stayed down so my band must be okay - if it had slipped I would not be able to keep anything down.

I took a sneaky look at the scales this morning to judge how I'm doing a full week after my fill. I am four pounds down but, being realistic, I must take in to account that I have not eaten much in the last 24 hours so that loss may not all be down to the band! Either way, I'm pretty chuffed to be seeing some results at last!

I'm off to spend the weekend at my boyfriends so probably won't get to post again until Monday at the earliest - am not going to risk using his computer! Have a fab long weekend!

Poorly sick!

I've not had a very good day.

Last night I had another episode of low abdomen pain exactly like the one I had just before my op - see post on 30th June. At least I know that it was nothing to do with the yummy yoghurt diet! I was in quite a bit of pain so I laid on the bed and put my electric blanket on which seemed to ease it and I fell asleep.

Again, I was feeling tender this morning but I went in to work as normal because last time I had this I was fine after 24hrs. Not so this time! I was due to be on a conference call for two hours and I managed just 10 minutes and I was in a lot of pain. I had to leave the call and return to my desk. I took some Solpadol which was given to me on my discharge from hospital but little did I realise that it contains codeine which does not agree with me. The pain went but I ended up feeling really sick!

I couldn't stay at work and left at 1pm to come home. I managed to get an appointment with my doctor this afternoon but he wasn't able to shed any light on what is going on. Apparently, it doesn't fit into any normal pattern - that's just typical me!! If it happens again I will have to go for a pelvic scan.

I felt totally wiped out so I came up to bed at 6pm and fell asleep for 2.5 hours. I woke up feeling better but since then I have been sick twice which is really not good. Both times I have just brought up fluid as there is nothing in my stomach. I am a bit worried as being sick is really supposed to be avoided at all costs. My mum went to the local midnight pharmacist and got some anti-sickness tablets that the nurse recommended when I was in hospital and I've taken one of them - fingers crossed it does the trick!

Whoo, it's working!!!

OMG - I got a shocker today!!!! I stood on the scales expecting the normal "stayed the same" but I've lost two pounds!! I'm well impressed as the fill was only done on Saturday - mind you, I suppose I haven't really eaten much since!

I'm so glad it finally seems to be working!

Something's different!

I know it's early days but I can definitely feel a difference since having the band tightened.

I am eating less than I was before (obviously!!!). I can feel that the band is tighter in the morning so I don't tend to eat much as it won't go down. Today for example, I ate a cereal bar at about 10.30am, I then had 6 or 7 crackers with 2 laughing cow cheese triangles for lunch and for my tea I had a bowl of homemade vegetable soup with a piece of bread. I drink quite a lot of tea during the day and I did have an innocent smoothie this afternoon. I feel perfectly satisfied and know I would struggle if I tried to eat any more than that.

I actually feel that things will start to move now so fingers crossed. Tomorrow is weigh day, I'm not sure how much will show this week since it has only been four days since the tightening so if there is a difference then fine, but I will judge it more next week when I have had a full week with the new restriction.

How the scales lie to us!

Extract from sheet given to me by the nurse:

How many times have we said - don't weigh daily and yet here we are again on the scales leaning to the left and the right, before and after a trip to the loo and dressed or undressed.

So - you can't resist this life by numbers then? If you can't get rid of the habit then TRY to understand what you may be reading in the numbers. You may then throw them away.

Our bodies are about 60% water. There are normal fluctuations in the body's water content and this can really panic someone who is a number addict.

Two things influence water retention, i) water consumption ii) salt intake.

Strange as it sounds, the less water you drink, the more your body will retain. If you are even slightly dehydrated your body will hang on to its water supplies with a vengance, possibly causing the number on the scales to inch upward. The solution is to drink plenty of water.

Excess salt (sodium) can also play a big role in water retention. One teaspoon of salt contains over 2,000mg of sodium. We should generally try to eat around 1,000 and 3,000mg of sodium a day. Sodium is a surprisingly sneaky substance. We think of salt being at its highest in things like crisps and nuts BUT a food doesn't have to be savoury or salty in taste to have a lot of sodium in it. An instant packet of dessert can contain 1,000 mgs per 100gms and some contain almost four times as much sodium as an ounce of salted nuts.

It is very common for women to retain several pounds of water prior to menstruation but it usually goes as quickly as it comes. To reduce the retention the key is to drink more water, reduce high sodium foods and up your exercise.

Another factor that can influence those little digital numbers is glycogen.

Glycogen is like a fuel tank/energy reserve full of stored carbohydrate. Some glycogen is stored in the liver and some is stored in muscles. This energy reserve weighs more than a pound and its packed with 3-4 pounds of water when it is stored.

Your glycogen stores shrink during the day if you fail to take in enough carbs. As they are used and you are sensitive to appetite you will experience a small, imperceptible increase in appetite. Your body will store this fuel reserve along with its associated water.

It is normal to experience glycogen and water weight shifts of up to 2 pounds per day even with no changes to your calorie intake or activity level. These fluctuations have nothing to do with losing fat, although they can contribute to panic states when you stand on the scales.

Other factors - most people tend to forget about the actual weight of the food they eat. For this reason, if you are going to weigh yourself, do it first thing in the morning before you have had anything to eat or drink. A weight gain in one day isn't fat it can be the weight of the food and drink you have consumed in a meal!

To store one pound of fat, you need to eat 3,500 calories more than you body is able to burn. In other words, to actually store a meal as 5lbs of fat, it would have to contain 17,500 calories!!! Hardly likely, or even humanly possible!

When you gain 3-4lbs overnight, relax it is likely to be water, glycogen and the weight of your dinner.

The best way to work out if you have lost weight ... How do you look? How do you feel? How do your clothes fit? Are you rings looser? Do your muscles feel firmer? These are the true measurements of success. If you are excercising and eating and drinking mindfully then a small number gain is nothing.

NUMBER FLUCTUATIONS ARE PERFECTLY NORMAL. EXPECT THEM TO HAPPEN, TAKE THEM IN YOUR STRIDE!

My first fill!

As regular readers will be aware, I had my first band fill on Saturday. It was very interesting!

I started off with a little moan about how little weight I'd lost. The nurse, who is absolutely lovely and has a band herself so really knows her stuff, was almost a little cross with me!! She said you aren't supposed to be losing weight at this point, that is what the fill is for. She gave me a leaflet entitled How the scales lie to us - I will put this in another post later, it makes for very interesting reading for anyone who has daily fluctuations and really tells you not to weigh everyday as the readings are not at all accurate!

We talked about the changes in my eating behaviour ie not snacking between meals, not always having a pudding when I eat out and being okay to share/leave food. She was very pleased with this and said the idea of the band was to retrain my thinking about food. Yes, it is to lose weight but that should really be a symptom of my new relationship with food.

We agreed that I probably didn't need a huge band adjustment, I felt as though I was teetering on the brink of losing and just needed a nudge in the right direction. I found out that I have a 7ml band and she gave me a 2.5ml fill. She did say that I might not get as much restriction as I was hoping but she felt it was better to take it in easy stages.

I sat on the examination table and she filled the syringe with the fluid, I thought that needle doesn't look too bad. Then she took that needle off and put on an industrial size one!!! It was a little worrying but there was nothing to worry about, it didn't really hurt much at all.

I had to take big gulps of water while she adjusted the amount she put in.

I then had to stick to fluids for 24hrs, and then mush yesterday and today.

I can feel a difference, I didn't really feel like much breakfast this morning so just had an innocent smoothie carton. I had fishcakes for lunch with chips (not exactly mush, I know but relatively soft!). I could only eat 1.5 fishcakes and I even LEFT some chips in the bowl.

I'm feeling a little bit peckish now so I may have some soup later. So far so good - lets see what the scales say next week!

Excuses, excuses!!

I must apologise for the delay in updating the blog, this is because when I got back from the hospital on Saturday I didn't get as much time to myself as I was hoping before my boyfriend arrived for the weekend. He went home this morning and I was not going to risk getting caught redhanded again!!!

Mind you, I've realised that my time is numbered! I told him about the UK Gastric Band forum - a fab site for anyone thinking of getting a band - and he has taken an interest in reading some of the posts. I don't think it will take him long to work out my login name on there and then see the link to this blog in my signature - so do I come clean or keep my fingers crossed?!!!!

Staying positive!

I've been giving a lot of thought to my lack of weight loss which, I must admit, is rather disappointing! I know it is quite common not to lose until you have a fill - someone once likened it to having a new car but no keys with which to drive it until you get a fill - but lets be honest I've just spent a small fortune on this gadget and I want to see some results!!

However, I realise I've been focussing on the scales when actually there are a lot of 'results' around me. I have noticed some of my clothes feel looser, particularly around the arms (I definitely have bingo wings!!!) and my tights don't seem to be quite such a struggle to get on in the morning - that could sometimes be quite hilarious not to mention quite dangerous!!

I've also noticed my attitude to food has changed. It was my dad's birthday yesterday and I went out for a meal with my parents last night. For starters we shared some bread and oil - normally I would dive in and gobble up loads of bread and it would hardly touch the sides. Last night, I knew I was taking a chance having the bread at all so I took it very slowly and really chewed it. It was divine but one slice was enough to satisfy me. For my main course I had fish cakes, which were gorgeous and I ordered a side of fries. I quite happily shared these with my mum, which before I would have really resented, we even left some in the bowl!!!! (I'm starting to sound like a right greedy cow!!! Perhaps that's how I ended up in this situation!!!!). Neither my mum or I really wanted a pudding (a revelation in itself for me!!!) but dad did and it wasn't fair to make him eat one on his own so mum and I shared some ice cream - again, I would have resented this before (puddings are NOT for sharing!!!!). I had quite enough to satisfy me. So, whilst I ate a good meal (with no after effects), it was nowhere near what I would have eaten pre-op.

I'm sincerely hoping that my fill will just build on these changes and actually get this ball rolling. I still have that 3 stone by Christmas goal that I am not ready to give up on just yet!!

Same old chestnut!

No surprises on the weighing front today - I'd stayed the same AGAIN!!!

This is extremely frustrating as the day before I was down a pound and looked like it was heading towards another one then - bang - Wednesday comes around and I am back to where I was last week!

At the risk of being rather indelicate (those of a sensitive nature please look away now!) I seem to have fallen prey to a regular bout of constipation which tends to strike on a Wednesday - I'm not joking!!! It always seems that I am suffering when I weigh in first thing in the morning and then I manage to go during the day so my weight goes back down the following day. I know that this should really only matter on one week as if I have really lost weight it would show the following week but it honestly seems to be the case at the moment. At least I know I need this fill on Saturday - bring it on!

Too damn close for comfort!

OMG - I so nearly got caught yesterday!!! My boyfriend has a habit of trying to sneak up behind me to make me jump (I am such a light weight, I always jump out of my skin and it makes him laugh). He came up the stairs just as I was finishing my post and the only clue I had was that my dog who was lying on the landing started to wag her tail. I just managed to close the browser down in time but he saw that I had done that and was instantly asking what I was up to - I told him I'd been looking at porn!!!! It was the only thing I could think of to excuse why I shut it down so quickly - he knows me well enough to know that was a lie but it was the best I could think of on the spur of the moment!! How mad is that - I would rather he thought I was looking at porn than tell him the truth, I'm going to have to rethink my priorities, he's probably going to find out about this blog eventually anyway!

I've been okay foodwise for most of this weekend - ignoring Friday! I have struggled to get food down sometimes and it is weird because stuff I can eat one day I can't another. I've also noticed sometimes the band just feels a bit tight. I shall have plenty of questions to ask the nurse on Saturday!

Feeling guilty!!

I'm feeling guilty about a few things!!

Firstly, I have been rather elusive this week on the blogging front - sorry! It has been a very busy week. I am currently at my boyfriends, hiding in his spare room and taking a huge risk in using his computer to post - hope he doesn't find a link to this site when I finish!!

Secondly, I am feeling guilty that I haven't told him about the blog but as I have already said before, I don't want anyone who knows me to see this blog because then I would have to be a lot more guarded in what I post.

Finally, and this gives me the most guilt, I ate lots yesterday - there, I've said it!! Now, I have to qualify that comment by saying, my definition of eating lots is very different to what it would have been pre-op!! My lots yesterday was two weetabix for breakfast, 1/4 of a panini with 1/2 portion of curly fries for lunch, a small bar of chocolate for a snack (first choc in ages!!) and a curry for dinner. Now, the curry was not my pre-op portion, I shared a portion of rice and a naan bread and only ate about 3/4 of my curry but I still feel guilty.

Guess I can't be too cross if I don't lose weight on Wednesday!! That's another thing, my scales seem to be part of some conspiracy, my weight was a pound down the day before I weighed this week then on weigh day it went back to staying the same and then the following day went back down a pound - how annoying is that?!!!!!!!!

I'm really looking forward to my fill next week, fingers crossed I will start to see some real progress then!

Frustrated!

The scales have not delivered this week! I've stayed the same, although there was some variation during the week.

This is very frustrating as since starting the yummy yoghurt diet I have only lost 6lbs. Now I know this is 6lbs that will never go back on but to be honest, I expected more after 6 weeks! I am really glad I have booked my first fill now, it is clear that I definitely need one.

Only 9 days to go.....!

Lovely weekend!

Well, I finally recovered from my over indulgence on Friday.

I phoned my boyfriend later on Saturday morning and proceeded to have a conversation with him, to which his reply to everything I said was "You told me that last night!" - whoops!! It is so weird for me, I enjoy a drink and have never been so drunk that I can't remember things but I can't remember anything about the conversation I had with him, only that I had one!!

I met two work colleagues for lunch on Saturday and weirdly, I was able to eat a dish of lasagne and some garlic bread - I think it is probably easier to eat minced meat than chicken but that is still weird!! I couldn't eat much else all day, I tried a little sandwich but it didn't go down very well at all. I know we are told to avoid fresh bread, but I have managed to eat some already and it was fine - I honestly think my band has suddenly woken up and realised it's actually meant to stop food going down so is now trying to make up for lost time!!

I have been quite nervous about eating since Friday and so I didn't eat much during the day yesterday, I did manage a roast dinner in the evening but I took it steady.

Today, my boyfriend met me for lunch and we went to the same pub I went to on Friday. I had salmon and broccoli fishcakes and they went down a treat - mind you, I did stop as soon as I felt full, no point in asking for trouble!

I'm looking forward to weighing on Wednesday, I'd better have lost something!!!

Valuable lessons learnt!

Sorry that there was no post yesterday, I was busy learning the second of two valuable lessons for the day! They are sort of interconnected.

The first lesson was that what I could eat before, I might not be able to eat now. I went out for lunch with the girls from work as some one was moving to a new job. We go to this pub quite often and I usually have chicken skewers which is one of their lighter bites - two small skewers of chicken, two small crispy rashers, a mushroom, some salad leaves and a pitta bread. I hadn't eaten much else so I was quite hungry and I'm not sure whether I ate it too quickly or whether I didn't chew it properly but it didn't go down too well and at one point I was very worried that it was about to make a reappearance. I felt a bit odd for most of the afternoon and didn't eat anything else until quite late last night.

The second valuable lesson is quite obvious really, but if you haven't eaten much all day then three glasses of wine are going to make you very drunk very quickly! I live next door to my parents and they look after my dog during the day so I always call in to collect her. Last night, my mum and I had a few glasses of wine and a chat. I felt fine, until I went home and then I felt incredibly drunk! I know I spoke to my boyfriend but I have no recollection of what we talked about and then I stumbled up to bed - don't think I'll try that one again in a hurry!!